After rethinking my set of blogs over the past few days, i self notice how I use communication to go to a safe place for myself, being in love with Sonia and coming to know it is not her choice that it work out after putting in about three years of love in the possibility, then I notice how my own direction of words take me to a place where I am alone and want to withdraw from the World, reading some of the other bloggers stories and actually finding flickers of hope both in the stories and that while I am not getting to spend time with Sonia she is at least not dead, that shes not dead my love can continue although not with her in person. The one blog about the 27 year old did caught my attention and as dreams of Sonia and I drift I find myself wanting to reach out to the 27 year old and say some guiding words to comfort her- So I will- It has been my experience that enjoying life a little and regularly, as with cigarettes and other stuff like that It is bad for us yes but it makes life more enjoyable yes so I just gauge how much life I have and how I want to spend it- i sure don’t want my life to b a life not enjoying life, so I smoke, so I have a beer once in awhile, so I have a candy bar- So my life is not a life of deprevation and misery. Live it up a little but just a little.