Oh how i get myself messed up when i think i can get my words to control my feelings- Take for example my trying to cope with Sonia’s rejection of me by saying if there was any sexual contact in her life after i showed interest in her that there then is not interest for her at all. So i was dealing with 1 Being in love 2 Rejection 3 Jealousy and trying to just make myself, with a sentence, deal with it all, attempting to push my feelings into a non operatus scenario as though by my words I can direct all of my person with a sentence. Sometimes our words do match the rest of our reality both inside and outside our bodies and I would say that is a good goal, to get our words to match our reality but sometimes they don’t or can’t at least not the way we thought they could. I have loved this woman for awhile and even though she has rejected me I love her, so since she rejected me I thought i could escape my feelings by sating that if she has had sex with anyone else since I showed interest in her there then is no interest at all and then i went to bed thinking it will be different when I get up but no my words failed and instead of no feelings of love i still have feelings of love and the messed up situation is worse because what i thought i could make happen with words (no interest for her) did not work. It was a good effort though, usually it is easy to end a make believe love relationship of even a real one if there is sex by another with the one you love, it is at least good arguing material. Bottom lines i think we use words to try to control our reality and even though were not telling lies it does not always work. We like it when our words match reality and that is good and it sure van be disconcerting when we know were not lying and they do not match reality, so I haft to regroup noticing the jealous part of myself is fighting now to get out of it.