Relationship?

I don’t know

I am a Christian and Yes I do desire to be married one day. A lot of Christians believe that dating is wrong because God will magically drop your future spouse in your lap, I think that that’s crap. According to the bible, as a woman you have to make yourself available to be found. I mean I have the dilemma that I am literally scared to be in a relationship. It may sound silly, being 24 years old and quite intelligent I might add, but I have made so many mistakes concerning my Christian life and I fear that by being in a relationship that I may just not be doing what God wants or I might neglect God and I don’t want to. I am literally tearing up. I want so desperately to always be in his will and not to leave him on the back burner because God means the world to me.

I am human with sexual urges just like the next and I don’t want to make God disappointed in me by doing anything along those lines and trust me, this is hard. It’s like as you get older your body craves the touch or gentle caress, kiss etc…, well you get the gist of what I am trying to say (Awkward)

Well I can’t even remember If I said that my heart is now on lock down but I have been knowing this guy for a few years now, and we have been talking and to be honest I expected this to flop already. I have been pushing away and He is still there persistent as ever. I am amused but I am now developing strong feelings past our friendship and I am scared. He is like a breath of fresh air to me, He makes me smile, laugh, I feel safe and comforted when we are together. He never disrespects me, He calls me beautiful, prays for and with me, I have plenty of flaws and He accepts all of them and encourages me in my weight loss and reprimands me when I eat unhealthily. Sometimes I say this is TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Sounds like a catch right? Well I don’t know I am waiting for the ball to drop, or for him to leave, for the calls to stop, for the affection to go away. I don’t believe in saying all men are the same but from my experiences I can say A lot of men don’t know how to treat women because they were not taught to do things the right way.

I doubt myself a lot and my mind is a battlefield(The biggest struggle). I speak to myself and the enemy knows that and often times I am confused. I am still praying for a breakthrough in that area. I am afraid that who I am hearing is God and then I go forward and that’s not what He wants or It’s the enemy and then I miss out and who could possibly be the one for me. I hate feeling and being confused. I often go to my mom for advice and support and this time, even she doesn’t know what to say…can we say this sucks!!!! I speak to my pudding pop Esther about it and He says he is dang near perfect…stupes.(Sometimes she irks my nerves with her gushy lovey dovey advice lol)

I want to go forward but should I? I can’t just go by feelings and emotions because these things blind us and we overlook things that shouldn’t be overlooked and then we make horrible decisions. I am awaiting a clear sign from the Lord, an answer as to what to do.

Until next time my loves

**Besos!