Forty-four percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, and I know I always do. Now that I’m obsessed with habits, I’m more inclined to make resolutions than ever, in fact. If my happiness and habits research has convinced me of anything, it has convinced me that resolutions — made right — can make a huge difference in boosting happiness.
So how do you resolve well? This is trickier than it sounds. Here are some tips for making your resolutions as effective as possible. Remember, right now, you’re in the planning stage. Don’t feel like you have to do anything yet! Just start thinking about what would make 2015 a happier year.
1. Ask: “What would make me happier?” It might be having more of something good — more fun with friends, more time for a hobby. It might be having less of something bad — less yelling at your kids, less regretting what you’ve eaten. It might be fixing something thatdoesn’t feel right — more time spent volunteering, more time doing something to strengthen a relationship. The more your life reflects your values, the happier you’ll be. That’s why I love habits–habits help me ensure that my life reflects my values.
2. Ask: “What is a concrete habit that would bring about change?” One common problem is that people make abstract resolutions, which are hard to keep. “Find more joy in life,” or “Enjoy now” are resolutions that are difficult to measure and therefore difficult to keep. Instead, look for a specific, measurable action that can become a habit. “Watch a classic movie every Sunday night“ or “Drink my coffee on my front steps every morning” are resolutions that will carry you toward those abstract goals.
3. Ask: “Am I a ‘yes’ resolver or a ‘no’ resolver?” Some people resent negative resolutions. They dislike hearing “don’t” or “stop” or adding to their list of chores. If this describes you, try to find positive resolutions: “Take that woodworking class,” “Have lunch with a friend once a week.” Or maybe you respond well to “no.” That’s my situation. A lot of my resolutions are aimed at getting me to stop doing something or to do something I don’t really want to do. Don’t expect praise or appreciation. Follow the one-minute rule.
There’s no right way to make a resolution, but it’s important to know what works for you. As always, the secret is to know your own nature.
For instance, my sister is a “yes” resolver. Last year, she decided that she wanted to stop eating french fries (her Kryptonite) and that, at least for french fries, she was anAbstainer, not a Moderator. I asked, “But how did you manage to say ‘no’ to yourself?”
She said, “I tell myself: Now I’m free from french fries.” She found the way to see this habit change as a “yes.”
4. Ask: “Am I starting small enough? Or big enough?” Many people make super-ambitious resolutions and then drop them, feeling defeated, before January is over. We tend to over-estimate what we can do over a short time and under-estimate what we can do over a long time, if we make consistent, small steps. If you’re going to resolve to start exercising (one of the most popular resolutions), it might be too much to resolve to go to the gym for an hour every day before work. Start by going for a ten-minute walk at lunch or marching in place once a day during the commercial breaks in your favorite TV show. Little accomplishments provide energy for bigger challenges. Push yourself too hard and you may screech to a halt.
But the opposite of a profound truth is also true, and by contrast, some people do better when they start BIG. If they start small, they lose interest or get discouraged. For them, a big transformation generates an energy and excitement that helps to foster habits. Steve Jobs reflected, “I have a great respect for incremental improvement, and I’ve done that sort of thing in my life, but I’ve always been attracted to the more revolutionary changes. I don’t know why.”
There’s no right or wrong approach. What works for you–do you prefer to aim small or aim big?
5. Ask: “How am I going to hold myself accountable?” For many people, accountability is the secret to sticking to resolutions, and there are many ways to hold yourself accountable. I keep my Resolutions Chart (if you’d like to see my chart, for inspiration, email me at grubin [at] gretchenrubin.com–just write “resolution chart” in the subject line). Belonging to a group is a good way to hold yourself accountable, part of why AA and Weight Watchers are effective groups. (For a starter kit for starting a Better Than Before habits group, click here.) Accountability is one reason why #2 is so important. If your resolution is too vague, it’s hard to be held accountable. A resolution to “Eat healthier” is harder to track than “Eat salad for lunch three times a week.”
Special note to Obligers: Obligers, remember that external accountability is the key for you. It’s crucial. If you’re serious about wanting to keep a resolution, you must figure out a way to create external accountability.
Have you found any strategies that have helped you successfully keep resolutions in the past?
Ta-da! Here’s the schedule for my book tour. I hope to see many of you along the way. This is U.S. only; schedules for Canada, the U.K., and Australia are coming soon.
My publisher considers many factors when deciding where I should go on tour. There are so many terrific cities I wish I could visit. If I’m not heading your way this time, maybe next time. Believe me, I wish I could go everywhere.
Los Angeles, CA Ticketed Breakfast Forum including in conversation talk, Q&A, Signing (please visit website for details on event & purchasing a ticket)on March 09 2015 08:00 AM
Los Angeles, CA, In Conversation Talk, Q&A, Signing (ticketed) on March 19 2015 08:00 PM
San Diego, CA, San Diego Women’s Week Keynote San Diego Marriott La Jolla 4240 La Jolla Village Drive, La Jolla CA 92037on March 20 2015 09:00 AM
Plano, TX, St. Andrew UMC Talk, Q&A, Signing 5:30pm ticketed pre-reception; 7:00pmon March 24 2015 07:00 PM
Denver, CO, Tattered Cover Bookstore Talk, Q&A, Signingon March 25 2015 07:00 PM
San Francisco, CA, Commonwealth Club Silicon Valley In Conversation Talk, Q&A, Signingon March 26 2015 07:00 PM
San Francisco, CA, CPS Lectures Ticketed Lecture, Q&A, Signingon March 27 2015 07:30 PM
Princeton, NJ, Princeton Regional Chamber of Commerce’s Women in Business Alliance VIP Reception, Talk, Q&A, Signing 5:45pm (6:15–6:50pm — VIP reception)on March 30 2015 07:00 PM
Washington, DC, Sixth & I Talk, Q&A, Signingon March 31 2015 07:00 PM
Wellesley, MA, Wellesley Books Talk, Q&A, Signingon April 01 2015 07:00 PM
Madison, CT, R.J. Julia Booksellers Ticketed lunch with Chamber of Commerce/Women in Business, Q&A, Signing (visit website for details on event and purchasing tickets)on April 06 2015 12:00 PM
Cedar Rapids, IA, Iowa Women’s Leadership Conference Keynote Speaker and book signingon April 22 2015 12:00 AM
Philadelphia, PA, Free Library of Philadelphia Talk, Q&A, Signingon April 30 2015 07:30 PM
New York, NY, @Macaulay Author Series 35 W. 67th Street, Macaulay Honors College In conversation with Anne Kreamer, author of Risk/Reward; Signing (Reservations suggested, make reservations and get info here)on May 11 2015 12:00 AM
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Gretchen Rubin is the author of the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home. She writes about happiness and habit-formation (the subject of her next book, Better Than Before) at gretchenrubin.com. Follow her here by clicking the yellow FOLLOW button, on Twitter, @gretchenrubin, on Facebook, facebook.com/GretchenRubin