When I was growing up, I always thought would conquer all. That it was enough for the people at the end of the movies, where they lived happily ever after, and that would be enough for me. But what they don’t tell you, that love is not enough. It is not enough to make a great family, and raise kids. It is necessary, but you need to have something else in addition to love. I thought love would be the core of my marriage, but somehow the love turned into hatred, and we stopped seeing each other as people. We stopped liking each other and somehow started despising each other. Now we are divorced, and we have blocked each other. We are no longer speaking, and where did the love go? Where did it disappear to? Where did the love go?

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Even when I am by myself
I never stop grateful
For people who came into my life
And proved that their presence was wasteful
Even when I am by myself
Sitting alone at home
I am grateful
For those who left me alone
Even when I am by myself
I am grateful
For all the love I had before
For all the moments that passed
And gone
For all the people who hurt me
Causing my soul to be reborn
Even when I am by myself
I am not lonely
Or torn
I am not desperate
I am not alone
Even when I am by myself
At home
I am grateful to be alone.

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Brain has a lot of power. What you think about essentially defines your life and your everyday. I have a weird obsession with men. If there is a man I like, I will for sure start obsess about him. “Did he text me?”, “Is he going to invite me to the next date”. The not cute part is that I am not 18. I am 35. I have lived a rather difficult life, but still I act like a teenager obsessing about a man who is not going to text me. I need to rewire my brain, I need to be bigger than this, because I have spent and will continue to spend so much time and so much resources into obsessing over people, that are really not worth it.

That’s it.

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I am an easy target,

I fall for the attention, love and kindness,

Flowers from the farmer’s market.

I am an easy target,

I fall for sweet lies and tiny bites of shared dessert.

I am an easy target,

I fall for the men looking like stars from the red carpet.

I am an easy target,

I eat up the false promises and white lies.

I am the easiest target to find,

There is nothing I leave behind.

But why didn’t you call and tell me your goodbyes?

Why do you hold me as useless surprise?

But why do you always hide under you disguise?

Why don’t you look me in the eyes?

I am an easy target,

I will always believe your lies.

I will never critisize.

I will always wait for you at the sunrise.

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Grievencesofnewadult

Grievencesofnewadult

I am 33 years old, and it feels like I should know how to adult. But I don’t. I have zero skills and I don’t know how to file taxes. Pictures are taken by me.