In the corner of my mind — A short story
It’s been months since I last talked to her. And even longer since I saw her. But there she was. She looked the same as she always was. Her hair was different, and looks like she lost some weight, but still looked the same.
But there’s just something.. Off. Though she looked the same, it was as if she wasn’t the person I knew. It was as if she was a familiar stranger.
We exchanged pleasantries. She asked about my family. I asked about her job and her friends whom we used to hang out together with. We brought up our old inside jokes. We laughed. Then, silence.
Awkwardness filled the air.
“So..” I broke silence. “You’re seeing someone new. What’s he like ?” And she answered without giving any details. Nothing I didn’t already know about, from my online stalking. She asked if I was seeing someone too.
“Well I’ve been dating around, nothing serious. I don’t think I am ready for a serious relationship. I need to figure some stuff out, and enjoy being single while I’m at it.”
She stared at me. And she nodded. I knew she was thinking about a response but couldn’t find one.
“You know.. You really hurt me. I took me a while to get over you.”
She looked down. She said she knew. And she was sorry for everything.
A thousand questions and words suddenly filled my brain. Everything I wanted to say, wanted to ask, all those thoughts that kept me up at night for months, all those thoughts I thought had conquered suddenly came back.
But only one made way out of my mouth.
“All those things we went through. All those things you said about me, about you, and us, when we were together. Does any of them mean anything to you ?”
She didn’t answer.
She wasn’t even there to begin with.
I have been imagining this conversation over, over and over again, and it always ends the same, with her not answering.
But today, this is the last time. This is the last time I will have this imaginary conversation in my head, with my memory of her.
Even though she didn’t answer. Even though I never got a chance to ask her to ask her person. Even though I didn’t get the closure I have been yearning, I know now.
I know that it didn’t mean much to her, as much as it means to me. I know that I have been wasting my time by denying the obvious. I know for sure now.
So let me play the song of our first kiss, as I lower the casket of our time together. Let me read our love letters, as the eulogy of our relationship. And let me spread flower petals over the grave of our memory, as I walk away from you.
Onto something anew.