Twin dating, quickest way to a no.

Who’s the better looking twin?

Dear Girls of London,

Dating is hard. Dating in London is harder. Dating and being a twin is annoying.

I broke up with my long term girlfriend 4 months ago. Since then I’ve been dipping my toe in the pond again. I just need to get something off my chest… If I choose to tell you I’m a twin, the following are not acceptable responses:

Are you the better looking twin? — YES. Yes I am. Do you really think I’m going to say no to this and give you his number?

Are you psychic? — Yes. And he’s telling me to move on. NEXT.

Who has the bigger willy? — No. Just no.

Would you have a threesome? — Firstly, No. Secondly, why would I say I want casual incest when I first meet you?

Has his fiancée ever mistaken you for him and tried it on with you? — There’s so much wrong with this question, I don’t even know where to begin. A good response is usually ‘Did you not see us on Jeremy Kyle? It was a great day out.’

To be fair, I can’t tell you what to respond with. Hell, I’m not claiming to be an expert…. I just want something less predictable and another gin and tonic please.

Geoffrey.