Thoughts of a child now an adult growing up with an Autistic Parent:

“How can someone so smart, warm spirited, giving spirit, be on welfare for 20–30years with no end in sight”

“Why does my parent want to be an engineer at 50 years old meanwhile they are living in complete poverty”

“Why does my parent believe that its okay to embrace poverty and with prayer and time it will just go away”

“Why does my parent believe in self teaching so strongly”

“Why does my parent dig in a trash bag full of papers looking for bills and other important documents routinely”

“My parent doesn't use drugs or drink alcohol, believes in GOD, but their Fears and anxieties over power GODs attempts of change them every time”

“If you talk too Loud my parent shuts down completely.”

My parent says, “You know i read in the Bible that it says …… ,” But can never and i mean NEVER recall where exactly can that passage be found.

My parent has siblings and the siblings idea of helping involves:

Frequent trips to visit my parent and small monetary/charitable gifts.

But any significant sacrifices would be too overwhelming since they too have ‘lives’ and ‘children’ and dont see any way how they can do ‘more’ without any impact to there lives. They grew up in the same conditions and made it out, so why cant my parent.

Now growing up with these thoughts and observations for 20–30years, you may ask what happened to the child now adult, who as you can see didnt have the ideal role model.

Well after 16+ years i found out kind of late that i too had Asperger autism for quite sometime but my ‘aptitude’ and ‘mediocre’ success didnt seem so mediocre when compared to those like my parent or those that were in poverty. So i was able to live a somewhat functional life. But something within me wasnt satisfied with making 50K a year, dodging bill collectors, in and out of love, meanwhile my parent was suffering with an anxiety that consumed them from working and sustaining the basic necessities of life.

3 years ago i began to help my parent more because i knew what ever it was the anxiety was over powering them from moving forward. If i didnt take action soon stress could shorten their life span.

My prayer to GOD was simple.

“First fix me so i can then be able to help my parent more.”

“GOD help me make more than 50K so i can help my parent and I dig both of us out of the financial grave we both created due to our illnesses.”

“Diagnose and treat the illness without medication’

During that same time period GOD blessed me with a new computer skill set that is now in demand in the computer world. Something i acquired with no formal training(thanks autism) but i learned on the job and relocated a few times to make sure i learned it in greater detail.

Now i make over 130K! yes a kid born and raised in complete poverty is now a success story.

In closing: In-spite of my parents condition that was not the main driving force that led to my change. Self worth was the key.

I deserved to be debt free. I deserved to have friends. I deserved to earn a living that can help not just myself but others in need. I deserved to smile. I deserved to love again. GOD had a purpose in giving me life. I deserved more than just surviving, i deserved to LIVE. The more i spoke these thoughts, that drove me to find answers. Those answers then drove me to seek change. I stopped doing the minimum and instead embraced more responsibilities at work and in life.

I still have phobias and anxieties so yes i am not perfect and do not seek someones elses definition of perfection. I am not a finished product and my story is just beginning. But believe me when i say, its not how you start necessarily but its how you finish.