27 Things I Want to Do Before I Die

Photograph courtesy of Pinterest.
  1. Go to Australia and surf so badly that the locals write songs about it.
  2. Invent at least a dozen new synonyms for “poppycock.”
  3. Become a national heart throb only to realize it wasn’t worth all the hoopla.
  4. Spend lavishly on designer flannel pajamas.
  5. Demand to see the manager.
  6. Yodel the alphabet backwards, wait impatiently for some kind of prize.
  7. Free the pigeons.
  8. Ask Santa Claus why he’s never asked for a raise.
  9. Take a mime class and show those suckers who’s boss.
  10. Get my monkey to FINALLY come clean about what really happened that night in Vegas.
  11. Sue the daylights out of at least four people so I feel like a big shot.
  12. Fly to the moon to educate the locals about their heathen ways.
  13. Make funny noises and blame it on the government.
  14. Hold my hand in public and notice how jealous people are of my happiness.
  15. Give lectures on zoology to eager young Canadian students.
  16. Shake my fist at the heavens.
  17. Shout “yippee” when I hear my name spoken at the bank.
  18. Watch Days of Our Lives while eating decadent cheese puffs.
  19. Solve the Pepsi/Coke debate on live TV with helpful statistics.
  20. Tell a hard-working mechanic he’s doing it wrong.
  21. Whisper words of comfort to frightened sea turtles.
  22. Join a fraternity and insist they keep it down.
  23. Become a highly sought-after expert on flagpoles.
  24. Join the circus for all the wrong reasons.
  25. Fall in with a group of nervous accountants.
  26. Drop hints that I want a pony for my birthday.
  27. Mutter that things aren’t what they used to be.
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