Dear Person Who Stole My Car

A thank you letter

I’m not sure why you stole my car. Was it the three-year-old indoor/outdoor basketball? Was it the JC-Penney flip-flops? Or was it the ease in which you can forge a key for a 1999 SL2 Saturn Sedan coupled with the fact that the back window was conveniently broken for you?

I’m guessing the key aspect and the broken window played a large role in your decision to lift my car.

I could be mad at you. I could curse you out, say mean things, judge your reasoning for such an act, and be the victim. People would show me sympathy and say things like, “That sucks!”

But that’s not what this letter is. This letter is a two-part thank you.

My Car Not Theirs

I’m glad you stole my car, and not one of the many single mothers, who need a car much more than I do. I only need my car for work and I can make it to work just fine without one. Maybe they can’t or maybe they can’t take their kids to school? I don’t have either of those obligations, so thank you for taking my car.

Lets say you passed on my car and all the single mom cars, and stole someone else’s, like the girl next-door’s car. In that case, I would hunt you down because she is loud. Without a car, she would be home more, and that would likely increase the minutes per day our home schedules cross, and the amount of time our home schedules cross is directly and positively correlated with the amount of complaining I hear. I don’t want to hear her complain anymore than I do, and furthermore, I wouldn’t take a deal that assured my car and all the single mom cars would not be stolen on the off chance that you stole the loud girls car, so thank you for stealing my car.

Public Transportation And Walking

It is slightly inconvenient to use public transportation, but after a week, I have found a rhythm. I love riding the bus because it is the only time I will read. Any other time, I put off reading for some other tasks or worry that I perceive to be more important. However on the bus the most productive thing I can do is read. At least in my mind it is. Consequently I’ve been reading a lot more, so thank you for stealing my car.

When I’m not on the bus or BART I am walking, and when I am walking, I can take in the gorgeous hills of Northern California that I do not have the luxury of appreciating while driving for obvious safety reasons. Furthermore, moving from the capricious weather of Michigan three years ago to the always sunny California, I truly appreciate the consistent beauty that this state has to offer, and walking allows me to appreciate it that much more, so once again, thank you for stealing my car.

Sincerely,

Guido