Reflection : A tale of three people

Uhh… so finally got started with writing blogs. My procrastination of writing one goes back to 2015 when I cam accross the concept of it. Back then I thought, gee, a blog is a good idea. But then I really good ones and I think how could anything I’d write ever possibly compare with this, maybe I should become a better writer first, and for that be a better reader first. Fast forward a few years, after little grease in my mental gears, I ponder, maybe I should have a go at this one more time. Insecure about being judged, still yes, but for an entire different reason. Because now blogging is much popular and as common as the next ludicrous Instagram caption. Every teenage girl(or any adult not having matured beyond the intellect of one) believing herself/himself to be the Cinderella of his/her fairy tale life writes one. Apart from some good ones by talented people, they are mostly boring and predictable. So poor and lacking originality, in fact, that a vanilla NLP algorithm(that’s an AI thing, for technical noobs) could read them a few of them and start writing one itself.
Back to the even more recent times and to the agenda of this blog itself, I went through a period(or still going through) of unnecesary, unrelenting and depression-inducing introspection. The act of writing this, just writing it, with little or no care about it being read or seen seems like a good idea, as opposed to paying a counselor most of whom are mediocre at best. To quote Dwight Shrute, why tip or even pay people for a job you can easily do yourself. Also I apologize for lack my lack of literary supremacy and fancy vocabulary, I wrote this over 2 days while simulataneously working on a Deep Learning assignment. No irony or pun intended.
The introspection told me a lot of things and one concept most capable of summarizing it, is that I am three people. Three guys(although only one of them identifies with a gender) share one body and surmise the existence of the person who is Pranav Gujarathi. Let’s name these three entities Raj, Elfangor and Babbage( weird names, right?); it will make for a writing style I feel comfortable with. It will also make the blog smaller than it really is.
None of them have existed from the moment the physcial body they inhabit( which we will refer to as Vessel) came into this world. Vessel was pushed out of her body by a certain woman, let’s call her Lady, promptly on the very first day of the year 1997. To this day Babbage wonders if this date is real or a birth certificate mix up caused by Lady’s dimwit husband HRK. Raj somewhat agrees( though never admits it, for it continues to be an effective icebreaker). Elfangor doesn’t give a shit.
So, Vessel is not technically brain dead without the trio it hosts today, but it is not known for having memories of his own or any discernable self-awareness. It knows how to eat, shit, sleep and so on, sometimes lashing out when the trio interfere in those matters too much. Anyway, sometime after Vessel turned 7, it somehow ended alone with a pencil and piece of paper with some out of syllabus mathematical problems written on it. And just like that Babbage breathed his first and awoke to the world. He pretty much took over Vessel’s vacuous existence. For a long time it was just him. Hardworking and diligent, he was a perfect blend of ambition from Lady and analytical intelligence from HRK.
Raj’s birth was slightly less sudden, arriving with a splash on the day Vessel turned 13. Babbage was somewhat annoyed at him, yet had expected it and adopted him as the annoying little brother he didn’t ask for. A little brother whom he had to help just as a duty. But this little brother turned out to quite a menace, often getting in Babbage’s way.
The name ‘Elfangor’ is a remote reference, which if you get, you are automatically my best friend. Anyway, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly when Elfangor was born. It is suspected that he has always existed, in a dormant stage. There is evidence of him existing as earlier as the days of before-Babbage, when Vessel first sat down in front of Power Rangers and Pokemon programs. He has some early and sweet memories of reading books with HRK’s father, Dada, but again went into hibernation when Dada passed away. Babbage hated him even then, for him Elfangor was pointless, serving no purpose as far as he knew. Babbage loved his mother, so resented Elfangor for sharing no genes with Lady. Babbage was Lady’s ideal son. But the problem was, Babbage was her ideal son exclusively, and that’s where the friction happened. Both Lady and Babbage made sure Elfangor never saw a place for himself in this world, for atleast a considerable time.

Fast forward to a few years, in sophomore year of college. IIT Roorkee was a place buzzing with activities and social groups, and Raj thought they opened a lot of avenues for him. But, Babbage retorted with a strict no and Raj gave in. See Babbage had been commited to his goal long before Raj had been around and if Raj had learnt anything from his own few failed experiences, was that Babbage’s integrity was one of his endearing qualities. An end result, Raj was failing at his own life goal too, but was too much of wimp to do anything about it. Somehow, not due to the same reasons, but Babbage was facing failure as well. He was burnt out, a decade of nonstop commitment tiring him.
At this point, once stren enemies, both Raj and Babbage look at each and wonder if their patience and work has brought them anything at all. A lonely life and an alarmingly low CGPA proving the rock bottom they had both hit. That’s when Elfangor knocked on the door. “Since you guys are not going to get any worse either way, can I move in here formally? I mean no harm and promise not to affect you, atleast adversely”. They both nod and let him in.
So, Elfangor is really weird. He likes comic books and anime, tv shows and science fiction. He loves pro-wrestling too, not the sport kind but the fake kind, one with belts and men wearing not enough clothes to need them. He is not the casual John who just enjoys all these things, but studies them, for his goal of becoming a creative writer. Some may still think of them as cliche and fairly lazy passions to follow, but in Elfangor’s defense he is really quite young compared to his counterparts in other people. Also he defines a fan as someone who cancels 6am release day show tickets of Avengers:Engame because there’s another show available at 5:45am; so unless you lie in that extreme demographic, better not call yourself a fan around him. Also he suggests you to explore the source material behind these big budget movies, it deserves is much more credit and is definitely just as much, if not more fun.
We do another time jump of three years to see all three of them matured. Babbage emerged out of his slump, for Elfangor had somehow helped him out of it by suggesting a career shift. That’s when Babbage realized that Elfangor was never meant to be his enemy, but rather a complementary companion. Science is about pursuing the truth by observing, analyzing and thinking as much as possible. Art is anything that can be felt and appreciated just for what it is, without its impact on the surrounding world. Elfangor and Babbage started working well together and things were looking up. Babbage was now an up and coming Data Scientist, his salary just enough to indulge the whims of all three and Vessel as well. Elfangor had started taking some online courses on fiction writing. As for Raj, he was socializing and hanging out with amazing yet mostly male people. In romantic aspects of his life, however, apart from some isolated encounters, as a whole he was just as clueless .

In Vessel’s 22nd year, seeking something more opportunities all of them travel to the far West to current times. Vessel is missing health faucets. Babbage is thriving more so than ever and Elfangor is excited to audit some university courses on writing while making good progress on some fanfiction he has started. Raj remains clueless and angry at the other two for not allowing him the time or avenues they promised. “ You could have taken some courses with girls” he snarls at Babbage .Turning to Elfangor, he yells “ You could like something mainstream like dancing and singing or even sports, but no, it has to be geeky sci-fi stuff nobody wants to have a conversation on.” Both of them have had it, Raj’s constant cycle of wasting time, facing failure followed by depressive whining had become too much for them. “I have been around longer than you have, giving you full leeway to take credit for everything I achieve, its not my fault that you go nowhere with it. Me and my goals, in no way, exist to serve you, it is just happy coincidence if it works out that way. Have I ever complained about your agendas being a constant waste of time?” says Babbage. Even Elfangor, who is usually quiet, retorts “What are you? You simply exist because it’s hardcoded in Vessel, to serve a primal biological purpose. You are more hormones than thought, not unique in the slightest. If I identified with any gender at all, I would find myself or someone like me quite attractive. I guess the same goes for Babbage dada here”. Babbage nods in agreement while struggling to hide his grin. Vessel, who is even less vocal says “ All your life you have hated me and tried to change me. It’s not my fault that I don’t come manufactured with a jawline, height and genetics you so immaturely demand, atleast these two have never had a problem with me.” Raj was more hurt than angry for there was truth in the bitter words he heard. “ I am not just about sexual attraction, you know, I am also about socializing, meeting people and having a conversation -”. Babbage interjects “Listen, we know. Even I feel down sometimes, for the competition is tough out there and I fail constantly while winning only a few times. But I work for it, because unlike you I understand the causality of everything I do or do not do towards my goals. You are unsure and unclear, and probably always will be. You also attribute your failure to random events as well but that’s not it. I propose a solution. Go under hibernation, be dormant as Elfangor once was, whatever you want to call it. We cannot promise if it will be a few months or a few years before you are in a position to come back. You might even die in your sleep. But I can promise you freedom from all that pain. That includes the part of you which likes to just socialize and talk to people. If someday said situation does come up, we will bring you back. Until then, me and Elfangor will manage fake smiles and small talk like we always do. Raj took a deep breath, considered for a second and said “Okay, Whenever you are ready.”
