My (failed) Pursuit of Happiness

My epiphany on the fundamental delusion, that there is something out there that will make us happy forever, and why I have given up on expectation.

Gunawan Aldy
Nov 5 · 2 min read
Photo by Maria Oswalt on Unsplash

We as a species tend to think that there are things that make us truly happy, which explains why people keep buying a new car, a bigger house, traveling, getting in a new relationship, etcetera. Anything that makes us joyful in the materialistic world, even just for a while before feeling miserable again.

But how long does the happiness last? Was it a long-lasting happiness?

Throwing in The Towel

Happiness is difficult to define and transient. Unhappiness is straightforward, simple, and could last longer. I have given up on wanting to be happy. Instead, I shifted my attention to how to be not unhappy.

If there are things (or people) that can make (or ruin) your day, you are giving them too much power.

Stoic believes that some things are within our control and some are not, and that our unhappiness is caused by thinking that we can control things that we can’t.

Things we can’t control:

  • What happens to us,
  • What people around us say or do,
  • Our own bodies, which will eventually get sick and finally die without regard for our actions.

Things we can control:

  • How we think, and the judgments we make.

If we judge that something really bad has happened, then we might get upset, sad, or angry. If we judge that something bad is likely to happen then we might get scared or fearful. Note that all these emotions are the product of the judgments we make.

Events are value-neutral

What might seem terrible to us might be unimportant should it happen to someone else, or even welcomed.

It’s the judgments we make, what we have complete control over, that put value into the event, and it’s those value judgments that generate our emotional responses.

Conclusion

From now on, my main objective is to aim for not to be unhappy by focusing on improving judgment and decision making skills, along with letting happiness be the byproduct. Furthermore, I intend to be self-sufficient so I don’t give things or people too much power over how I might feel.

Gunawan Aldy

Written by

Non sequitur. Find me on instagram: @gunawanaldy

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