Honest Thoughts on Famous Fruits
It’s time we look at them for what they really are.
I love fruits. And I know love is blind. So I got my eyes corrected to look at them through objective lenses (I got the lenses from FLens.com. Use my coupon FRUITSARE(NOT)COOL to avail of a 0.5% discount.)
Figs: My mom always advised me to look out for insects inside fruits before eating them. But what do you do if an entire fruit looks like an insect colony? I won’t be surprised if figs become a setting for a Pixar movie: the pink tentacles coming to life before the fig is opened and a war against the eater commences— A Fig’s Life.
Custard apple: The big strawberry-lookalike has no shame for making its eater work hard by sucking on its seeds, yet not fulfilling their hunger. But they’re soft and sweet, so I’m not leaving them anytime soon. Is this a classic toxic relationship?
Apple: They’re not as amazing as they’re claimed to be. 80 to 90% of an average apple’s volume contains water. If that’s the case, I might as well drink water and chew off the bark of a tree for fiber without consuming the sugar. No wonder doctors stay away from apples every day.
Orange: Tired of being compared to apples, this fruit takes its revenge by ruining the shape of its eater’s face with its unexpected sourness and choking them on its pointy seeds.
Grapes: Even after consulting innumerable best-selling self-help books, these fruits haven’t been able to step out of their herd mentality, especially the sour ones as they face more hatred and need to roam around in a bunch. Ayn Rand called them the Peter Keating of fruits (I think so).
Tomato: This identity crisis-struck fruit is often found in the company of vegetables. Despite several petitions launched by different tomato species, justice had been denied to them in the courts made only for (some)humans. In a country(India) that took ages to recognize the queer community, let’s hope their demands for recognition are met sooner. Till then, we’ll toss them with ginger and garlic and brutally cook them in pulaos with potatoes, peas, and onions. Sorry.
Mango: The golden-orange, sweet, and mildly sour pulpy fruit has a subtle pointy corner jutting at its bottom unlike the obvious shapes of its counterparts; I can’t imagine summers without the mouth-watering, delicious juice of this exceptional fruit; mangoes are too perfect for criticism and their season will soon end. Let me wipe my tears.
