Happiness is an individual responsibility
During my discussion with a friend of mine, we came to a conclusion that: happiness is an individual responsibility.
It was so simple, yet, we needed a super long chat to finally came to that statement.
We see that people define happiness in many other words. Most often are: wealth, money, good position in company, beautiful wife/husband, smart children, even good looks and dazzling social media account.
There are many cases where we judged other’s happiness based on our own standard. Like, when we think happiness is when we can show off our wealth, then we think people who receive less salary than us is less happy. Otherwise, people judged our happiness level based on their own perspective.
People who give no damn about what is buzzing out in the social media is judged as apathetic, timid, antisocial, or have nothing to be shown off. Who knows that actually, they are engaged in many volunteering scheme, that they just don’t want to waste their time and energy watching people update their newest happy-show-off-able moments?
There is also case where we think what we do can make other people happy. Like, as a child, we want to make our parents happy. We build them beautiful 3-story home, buy them new car, dine with them in the most exquisite restaurant in the city. But behind it, we are suffering from high workload, we’re not happy with our job though it pays so well that we can buy almost anything. We plaster our best smile whenever we can turn our money into something tangibly fine for people around us, but there are many times when we frown because of work and they don’t get to see it.
When we are asked whether we are happy with our work, we say that we are, then we boast that it is the best job, hence the salary and prestige. When someone notices our stress because of it, we dodge their presume by saying that we do it all for people we care-- for our spouse, parents, siblings, cousin, future parents-in-law, and all.
That’s a fake façade.
Even if people around us are indeed happy with what we do for them, innocent of our suffers in order to do so, what we do is just like a trade. We trade our happiness with others' happiness. What we don’t expect is, will those people we try to make happy remain happy knowing that we are suffering from trying to do so? Will our parent be still happy with the 3-story house and new car, knowing we are stressed of trying to make it real?
Happiness is not something to trade. We don’t play you-sell-I-buy in this God’s green earth.
There is another case. My friend’s friend was a smart student. He (or maybe she? I don’t know the gender) won prestigious competition among college student. He was graduated with spotlight. But then? He chose to not dive into job seeking arena, and join an eco-agricultural school in another island instead. Now, he plow his own lawn, live in the village, far from the city. He is happy with what he do.
I have to say, it needs a lot of courage to choose a different stream. He must have had a horde of people around him talking about how strange even stupid his choice was. Why would he wasted his so high potential to live like a hermit in a small village?
Then again, who are they to judge?
Happiness cannot be define in general. People have their own meaning of happiness. We cannot say that one’s definition of happiness is wrong and other’s right. As long as it doesn’t violate humanity and moral value, you can set your own meaning whatever you like.
Since people have different meaning of happiness, we cannot measure it. We cannot quantify or categorize the level of happiness. You tell yourself whether you are happy or not. You cannot tell others if they are or not.
Happiness is your own responsibility. It is your fault if you are not happy. It’s your problem. You cannot blame anyone or anything. You cannot say that you’re unhappy because you cannot afford things that your friends can. You cannot say that you’re unhappy because someone doesn’t reciprocate your feeling or treat you the way you treat them. And the otherwise is also applied here. You cannot tell yourself that you are the reason people around you or people you care are happy. You don’t get to think that if you’re not around and showering them with what you think will make them happy, they will be unhappy. If those people really care about you, they will be simply happy knowing that you’re genuinely happy without playing the hero-act.
Last thing: Whatever your circumstance is, you can always be happy. Happiness doesn’t require anything. You can bloom it yourself with whatever you have. Always choose to be happy first. It will lead to much other happiness.
PS: I should heartily thank my friend (her name is Berlian, which in English means "diamond") who have discussed this thing with me and shed me a light. Since she said that she doesn’t like writing (though I have persuade her so), I decided to share her thought here. I personally think, being enlightened with this concept is a gift, and a gift just rightly should be shared for a greater goodness.
