Gurprem Singh
Sep 4, 2018 · 5 min read

Why what others think of you might be your business!!

Image credits: http://inicia.org.ar/blog

“What others think of you is none of your business”

This quote is something that has been circling around the internet and may even be seen on the t-shits of the millennials acting like they have mastered the art of life.

It should not be a surprise to you after having read the title that I am going to present the other side of this coin.

If what others have to say didn’t matter then why there are so many reviews, ratings and feedbacks associated with almost all the products and services in the market. It helps the manufacturers and service providers to evolve into something better, likeable and profitable.

My friend, human being is a social animal.Unless one is not sitting in the peace of Himalayas away from the worldy race and consumerism, one needs to take care of their social image. In a society we need to take care of others and watch our behaviour, actions and words constantly affecting others. We need to evolve with the tides of time and learn from others. We cannot feasibly stay away from other people’s ideas and thoughts especially when they are about us.

Imagine someone said this to you in your childhood, “Look child, you don’t have to care what people around you are saying. You just do your thing. Nothing else matters”. It sounds the kind of advice I often see people giving to others. Giving advice to not listen to advice is itself paradoxical . But, lets not concentrate on that, for it can open up a pandoras box.So, coming back to your childhood. You are feeded with this pattern and you wired your brain accordingly. Your kindergarten teacher asks you to behave in class, your mother asks you to eat healthier, your father asks you to behave properly. But you don’t give a shit. In most probability, you mostly only grew physically with time and not socially . In the similar tune, we are like children, constantly learning our whole life. If we stop listening we stop growing in that direction.

The real scenario is actually different. Majority of children are feeded with the concepts of social acceptance that they care too much about what others think. These are the same kids who grow up and start pretending like they don’t care but deep down they do too much. This post is especially for those who care too much.I want to tell them that it is alright to care. You just have to find a balance and channelise it. Don’t be on any extreme side.

So, if you are not an enlightened monk from the hills or a millennial in denial please keep reading. If you are on either side of the caring spectrum keep reading.It may offer you some help in dealing with what others think and say about you.

People will always keep judging you and keep on pouring their thoughts. While living here you cannot act like a pigeon closing its eyes on seeing the cat. The pigeon needs to take a flight.But, o well, the pigeon is indeed ignoring the reality. If you act smartly, these judgements can actually save and liberate you.

Observe closely to what people tell you about yourself. These feedbacks and comments may reveal to you the details that you may not have noticed about yourself.

I have heard so many comments like “Hey buddy, you grasp really fast”, “You learn so fast” , “You are already done for the test tomorrow? Great speed” and many more. (Perhaps I need a new smarter circle. Just kidding.)I did not realise this pattern up until few weeks back when this sudden realisation dawned upon me that I have received these comments from a handful of people, colleagues, peers, friends and cousins. So, I started noticing what people think about me and say about me in general.

I also noticed that people say I have an ever smiling face, sometimes I am a buzz kill, I am very blunt,I am good at getting along with almost everybody be it kids, elders or grumpy teens. I keep intaking all these feedbacks and work upon them.

I am told that I am a buzz kill, so next time I don’t want to go out cause of the fact that my daily quota of dealing with people has been exhausted and I need to return to my cucoon.I will come up with a better excuse now than being crudely blunt about it.

Next time I will sit in an interview with heart thumping at full speed. Mind going blank even over simple questions like What are your strengths? I will summon these feedbacks and tell the HR that I smile a lot, get along with people and thus cooperative and team player.

You can even work on the negative feedback list. I try to be diplomatic now than being blunt every fricking time. In the same tune you can utilise these feedbacks.

It may even help you find what you are good at. It can help you know your so called passion, which I am still trying to figure out by trying these things listed on the feedbacks. Hence, this story, blog and a presence on medium.

It can help you cement your relationships. Focus on the patterns these comments offer you. Comments of the patterns like~ “You are such a cry baby”; “Why are you always sad”; “ Hey, try to chill sometimes” should trigger a signal that may be you are taking life too seriously. This is not only affecting your own mental health but also those near and dear ones.

Noticing what others have to say can also raise your emotional intelligence. You can better estimate the emotions of others towards you and analyse the interactions with others in a detailed way. You would know how to deal with different kinds of people and how to handle them with precision. Be it an unreasonable colleague, a difficult cousin or a pestering neighbour, you would know from your previous feddback analysis how to behave in a manner which is a win-win for both the parties. Knowing their past comments can help you communicate in a better way. It will also make you more understanding as an individual.

Give this alternate a try. You can always return to your comfort zone. Try exploring something outside.

However, this does not mean you should start taking everything everyone has to offer seriously. Not all those comments are significant and not all those people know you well enough. Not all those speaking are your well wishers.

Keep a mental filter based on certain parameters like how may people have given the similar comment, how close the person is to you, what’s the relationship with that person, what is the general nature of the person ~ a nagging boss, an overly critical colleague and the likes may be ignored. This filter needs to be your own deviced and constantly upgraded.

Also, don’t let it complicate your life. Keep it simple. If somebody said something you didn’t like or understood ask them upfront. Don’t battle with the emotions inside your head.

You also don’t need to over-interpret the feedbacks. Take it as they come. Think upon them. Keep the stuff that can potentially help you and let go of the extras.

Point is don’t blindly ignore what others have to offer and don’t get swayed by all that they are offering.

Keep a balance and rewire accordingly.

Gurprem Singh

Written by

CS grad @ Panjab University, reclaiming Life, watching my thoughts and (re-)constructing my vibe.

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