I am a perfectionist and my life is a catastrophe
Perfectionism may often be seen as a positive trait that increases your chances of success, but is this always true?
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.
Oxford Dictionary
In other words, as a perfectionist, you strive for excellence by setting high standards. That high, that you rarely can live up to.
According to the latest studies, every third person in the general population is a perfectionist. Moreover, perfectionistic tendencies have increased substantially among children in the last 30 years.
But, why is perfectionism so…warm, soft, and cozy for us?
By perfecting what you do, you feel stronger in front of others. Society will approve your behavior. You now feel you are flawless, empowered and you have full control over situations.
The more you are engaged, and the more hours you spend, the higher levels of motivation you feel. You think people will start adoring your work and come to you.
The higher the standards and the goals you set for yourself and others, the harder you work against them, the more people start admiring you and look up to you as a role model.
Perfectionism makes you strive for more, and better, it gives you the pleasure of being approved for working relentlessly hard, being meticulous and detailed oriented…
…what a sweet dream this is…wake up! These illusions are constructed by our minds!
What does perfectionism really do to you?
Trying to be perfect will hurt you.
Search on google trends “perfectionism” and you will find the top related searches are all about: perfectionism anxiety, procrastination, and depression. It is the dark side of perfectionism. Let me share 5 examples of how it drags you there:
- Perfectionism is fear-based and spikes your anxiety. You think if something is perfect that you’ll be accepted. And if it’s imperfect then you are not worthy. You are full of fear of doing something wrong, possibly being proved wrong, and therefore not being accepted. If you’re not accepted then it means you weren’t perfect enough.
Perfectionism keeps you stuck. it prevents you from starting new things and living life. It keeps you stuck. A perfectionist imagines future failure, and the fear of making mistakes will keep that individual from starting or completing an activity or a project.
3. Perfection itself is not achievable and drives you crazy. Perfection is dependent on external assessment and judgment by other people, not you. This means you have no control, and you are fully dependent on others, and others use it to control and manipulate you, it is their choice, not yours.
I won’t include the remaining two examples, as well as the formatting won’t be fixed — accept the imperfectness of this article.
Let me share with you true based stories of people being stuck and being suffering from perfectionism:
1. Perfectionists won’t ask for help, they can’t show weakness in front of others, but how can you strive in this world without help?
“I tend to hold myself to a very high standard to the point where I feel like I can’t show weakness in front of others. If I need help with something, if I’m sick, or upset, or whatever, I try so hard not to let others know that.”
2. With perfectionism you can’t progress, you can’t learn new things, as you foresee the future failure, and therefore you won’t even give it a try:
I have never been alright with the idea of my own failure. … Yet, I have high expectations for myself. I cannot meet these expectations without skill. I cannot gain skill without trying… Yet I am afraid to try. I am depressed by my lack of trying, and my lack of success.
3. Once you know the judgment of others in the play, the bearing of responsibility becomes so high, you can’t fail anymore:
I often have an aversion to effort, because effort commits me to a venture. Effort makes me feel exposed, like I am opening myself up for judgment. With that commitment, I create a massive sense of obligation to do that task with the utmost efficiency, grace, and completion.
4. Perfectionism wastes our precious and valuable time as we can’t finish the journey till its end:
I used to be a perfectionist … what happened was that I rarely got anything done because it always had to be perfect before it’s completed. I would work on something for months and throw it away because it wasn’t perfect ... The time is not perfect yet…The situation is not perfect ...I’m not going to start this business idea because the idea is not perfect yet…I can’t share content because my presentation skills are not perfect yet.
quora
5. And sometimes it’s just hilarious how extreme it could be:
One day, I took two watches to exam hall and kept both of them on the desk. As exam was about to start, the invigilator came to me and asked “why have you brought two watches?” I replied, “In case one one of them fails other one will keep ticking and save my exam day”
quora
This article is dedicated to my friend, who I hope will soften high standards to progress on activities that never got finished 😉
