Can another person make you happy? Two stories about the ‘key to happiness’
Three years ago, I attended a ‘Future of Healthcare’ conference in San Diego. Lunch was served at big round tables. Beside me sat a couple in their late 60-ies. Martha was clearly as strong-willed woman. Larry seemed like a nice fellow. We discussed the presentations. One had been on how happiness influence’s health. When Martha told that they had been married for forty years I replied ‘So, Larry is making you happy’. She put down her fork, looked me in the eyes and with a strong voice replied ‘No, Larry is not making me happy’. A silent ‘wow’ went through the minds of the people around the table. I wondered what Larry would say but he didn’t react. Then Martha continued ‘I am making myself happy. Nobody else in the world can make me happy — or unhappy. Only my own mind can do that. If get angry at him, it is because my brain decides to become angry. We have a good life.’ In awe, I realized that I was eating lunch with a wise person.
Yesterday evening I was reading with the door open to the corridor. My neighbour Anna, also in her late 60-ies, was having a discussion with one of the nurses. Anna complained that her telephone had run out of charge. Slowly she raised her voice and the discussion became a loud monologue. ‘I am so unhappy. I live in the service home and everybody there are drunks. I thought Pekka is my friend but he has not answered my calls for a week. He does not come and visit me. I am sure he is drinking. My daughters never come and visit me. I have no friends. I am an outcast. Pekka borrowed 20 euros and he hasn’t paid it back. I am broke.’ The sweet nurse tried to console her but the problem was obviously slightly bigger than her broken hip bone. I’ll give her the 20 euros later today.
Happiness is a conundrum. Martha’s wisdom is one fundamental truth but Anna’s is its reality for many people. We humans are flock animals. To feel good, we need the vibes of others. Vitality in the brain is another of the many keys to the door of happiness. My nephew yesterday quoted ‘the only true happiness is shared happiness’. It is also true — another key. There are many keys and we all have to find our own set. We all need a big key bundle to navigate in the maze we call life. Presuming of course that we think it is important to go looking for happiness. Is it?
Happy key-hunting — Gustaf
Ps: Did you perceive the previous sentence as a greeting to you, to me or a signature? Wittgenstein is haunting me again :)
