The futility of asking a man what he is thinking

“Contemplate carefully the circumstances under which you find yourself tempted to ask this question. It is normally tempting when you feel like you are having a deep moment. You know? A moment of connection. A close embrace. Looking into each other’s eyes. After a verbal expression of some or other heart felt emotion, be it love, sadness, jubilation.”

I had to smile when I read this because it reminded me of all the Hollywood movies that contain these very intimate romantic moments where the camera is totally focused on the two lovers’ faces and they are about to make either that first kiss, or a kiss after a long absence. The effect generates a lot of tears in the audience but little else. There may be a confession of love between the two lovers, but then back to the action.

The author is spot on when it comes to ‘what he is thinking’ but she needs to explore what women are thinking as well. It works both ways. Sometimes when I have that ‘romantic connection’ my wife is a million miles away. She is concerned about what to make for dinner; what the boys are doing; or who is coming over tomorrow and what she will serve them. And after that moment I need not ask her what she is thinking, she usually blurts it right out.

All this has taught me that being a loving husband and a romantic husband are two very different things. Setting up a romantic evening may be seen as a distraction when the other person has something very pressing on his/her mind. So I have learned to plan ahead and try to clear my calendar and my mind for that night. And if I cannot, I tell my wife what is bothering me right up front so she is not left guessing as to why I am ‘not in the mood.’ It is really the loving thing to do.

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