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Ted Jones

Dear Mr. Jones,

I regret to inform you that the August Solstice Celebration has, in fact, already occurred and your “Premium Ticket” with access to the “VIP Smogasbord” and “Unlimited Go-Carts” is now worthless, as we are closed for winter.

What occurred at the celebration was dutifully chronicled in our report “The Morning After”, which, thanks to the worm hole sequencing and time-space walkabout that is Medium, is floating somewhere around here and maybe you and others, if interested, can find it.

My hope was that people would relate what happened to them at the celebration. I invited people to do so in the report, but apparently people on Medium need a much more explicit writing prompt in order to let their freak flag fly. Perhaps, you, Mr. Jones, will tell us what YOU did. I think I remember seeing you taking a tuba off of the musicians during the polka party. That was you, wasn’t it? I understand if, for professional reasons, you are reluctant to give us the backstory on how you came to know how to play “The Pennsylvania Polka” on both the tuba AND the accordian, but please know that we were all very impressed.

Thank you for your interest. I am extending your subscription to Swim Fins and Football Hemets for another three months in the hope that you won’t turn over your premium ticket to the state’s attorney general.

I hope you have a warm and restful winter.



Tribune of Medium

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