Top Ten Punishments for GRR Martin

Photo by Nick Briggs
  1. Take away his screen time
  2. Rename his series, “A Tale of Mud and Smoke
  3. Restrict his diet to oatmeal until the next book comes out
  4. Let J.J. Abrams finish the books
  5. Make him watch the last Hobbit movie for days while playing Beethoven and propping his eyes open with little metal clips
  6. Shave off half of his beard
  7. Get a bunch of fans to play “keep away” with his fisherman’s hat
  8. Make him marry Joffrey
  9. Have him MC a telethon for “Herbert’s Syndrome”
  10. Give him to the Others
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