Hugs and Kisses, XOXO


[JOEY]

I know we haven’t spoken for a decade or more,

but Andy’s got an offer that we shouldn’t ignore.

He wants a Suck reunion, lord knows what for…

And why… not? What do you say?

[CARL]

We’re only “friends” on Facebook, that’s as far as it goes —

I’d rather not be upstaged so I’ll have to say no.

And since when, dear “pal” Joey, can we put on a show?

So no. “Thanks.” Anyway.

[JOEY]

Jesus, Carl, I know you haven’t got other plans.

If I mean nothing to you, won’t you think of the fans?

We’ll be the clowns of the hour, then pocket a grand.

So why not? At least it pays.

[CARL]

Let the fans have their nostalgia and sweet memories —

I just won’t compete with some sainted version of me.

You can go on without me, I’m so sure you’ll succeed.

Now please, just… go away.

[JOEY]

I can’t do it without you — on that Andy was clear.

If a slide show can’t do justice to Suck through the years

give me your “brilliant” suggestions, c’mon, I’m all ears!

Go on, have a field day.

[CARL]

Hmmm… I could do a Suck game show, make everyone lose…

Uhhh… crowd-source, let the fans suck… No! I know what to choose!

They’ll be singing my praises, and by “they,” I mean you!

“Suck dot com on Broadway.”

[JOEY (Lurching forward, compelled to sing)]

Carl, you fucking genius!

…Nothing else I can say.


With apologies to Joey Anuff, Andy Baio, and the attendees of XOXO 2015.