G Seaton
G Seaton
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

Thank-you for this post.

I am in a long-distance relationship — going on 14 months at 260 miles. We met on-line (oh-my!) and both felt it was just a fill-or-kill first meeting in July 2017. I brought my ski-boots thinking I would be saying hi to a woman I had spent 2 weeks talking to and trading messages with and who I had come to enjoy, albeit not IRL (proper usage?) and then I alone would be heading out to a reasonably nearby mountain for some summer turns on a glacier.

We had organized a meeting at a dog park, with our dogs — who hadn’t met either — on a Saturday midday in her city. 12 hours later I was checking into an inexpensive airport hotel in anticipation of our planned Sunday morning coffee and more dog-walks before the 5-hour drive north on Sunday afternoon. We kissed at her door on Saturday night. She then kicked me out. The dog slept in the car — the hotel was a no pets place.

In the ensuing months, we have made most every effort to spend time together. Every situation is different so has ours been — absent the details, we early on decided that the passage of time was not our friend. Not for either of us individually nor for us as a team. We were 60 when we met. Both coming off 25+ years of marriage, both healthy and active and interested in being active physically and in the pursuit of ‘better things’ for ourselves, each other, our families, our communities and the extended ‘community of humankind’ in which we exist. Sounds corny, eh? It does, yet it feels very, very good to get on with it purposefully. In your post you nailed some key factors for success in my mind for a long distance, long-term relationship and I humbly offer a few more.

Honesty: It has been critical to for us to be honest with each other about most everything. Early on we found ourselves sharing items from our lives that we were proud of, that were poignant, were sad, embarrassing and maybe were regretful. The could be no artifice in a relationship that required the level of logistical commitment including crassly raw hours and money. The result was, very early on, I trusted her to be what she appeared to be and that kept me making all best efforts to be ‘me’ as well as I could and to the best me that I knew I could be.

Kindness: Maybe it goes without saying however kindness and care and attention to the little things made the re-meeting a subsequent re-leaving doable without posturing.

Genuine reflection and ‘no-shot-clock’ examination: I found myself wondering early on, “Why do this?” It’s too much (work, time, money, sacrifice etc.) In a non-converstaional or Q&A environment, the process of calmly and patiently working through those thoughts got me to even more appreciation for us. Her and I together — not just her as a wonderful person, clever, funny, goofy, gorgeous, sensual, vulnerable (and more and more), but rather us together.

The notion that being apart allows the relationship to be enriched by more than 1+1. I am doing new, odd things, activities that the two of us may not have engaged in together initially as a couple, as is she. We share these new discoveries when we talk, facetime, meet — at times it’s as if there has been a catalyst added to the two of us –

Appreciation and intimacy is unpredictably wonderful. Candor and lack of pretense is important— there is not time, we’re older sure, yet there clearly isn’t time for any relationship for pretense or lack of candor — not lack of kindness or sensitivity, but candid and timely honesty is of prime importance when time is by logistical circumstances limited.

Thanks again. And the dogs get along. Bonus.

    G Seaton

    Written by

    G Seaton

    a reluctantly old guy, not a reluctant old guy