Russians Open Consumer Tech Services Company

Geekski Squad spokesperson Ivan Kyzmanokoff gives inside report of new enterprise.

Capitalizing on its success in hacking political email accounts, a new Russian enterprise has been launched in the United States.

Called Geekski Squad, the tech services company will be affiliated with Best Buy stores.

“Are proud to be in U.S.,” company spokesperson Ivan Kyzmanokoff told The Lint Screen. “Believe we offer capitalist citizens best tech services with deep knowledge of hacking and tech. Also offer poisoning service for elimination of enemies. Convenient payment plans available.”

When asked if Geekski Squad will replace Geek Squad, Comrade Kyzmanokoff lit a Sobranie cigarette and spoke in a low measured voice. “Most unfortunate accident have Geek Squad. All people dead. Too bad. New company needed, Best Buy hire Geekski Squad. We also help them sell insurance for products. All good now.” The Russian thrust out his hand and gave a thumbs-up sign as he attempted smiling.

Kyzmanokoff said the company is in the process of reviewing ad agencies to handle its marketing account and looks forward to expanding throughout North America.

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising (ASO), and has created campaigns helping Georgia Aquarium, The Coca-Cola Co., UPS, Golf Pride Golf Grips, Mitsubishi Electric, Delhaize America, Georgia Natural Gas, Mellow Mushroom and more.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).