For me these are different things, reading and writing. different moods. And then i’m ten shades slower than everybody, i mean i’m slow guys, i’m like really slow. not in my head no, but i talk and move like in slow mo. And then i hardly like to interrupt, all these wonderful voices, these notes, when i open medium, so i stay silent. i mean not that anyone is holding there breath listening to the crickets in the night and going shhh, any moment now, guz will speak. Ha!.

Also i feel too little. not in a bad way. it is hard to explain. it’s like i’m always on a drug, which i am, but also not (make love not drugs..something). seriously, when i read, H. Nemesis Nyx, or Ayesha Talib Wissanji, or Jules, or lately Tremaine L. Loadholt, because i’ve been looking at you Tre, and even Oliver Shiny [ Hey, awesome stuff ], and Sean Howard [ Hey :) ] , i think it is quite cute how much you guys feel. it is endearing really. what does that make me?

But i’ve already caught the ‘Ha!’ from Jules, so who knows, maybe i’ll catch the feels too. That’ll be an awkward dinner table conversation with my brother .

:i, uh, have made friends, and, uhm, they gots the feeels!

:Brother: Oh boy!

well, in other news,

I’m alive. I’m well actually. up until a little before august mid, i was like whaa whaa wen wil i dieee. . .(no worries if you don’t know where that came from) but then i was like , naa, this is no fun, and i stopped waiting and started looking forward again , and luckily, the pain got banished. slowly, but surely.

what else,

i’ve been confused about the whole lighting up medium thing. i’ve sort of been looking at it like a dog looks at everything humans do. with a tilted head.

i in fact love lights. Divas, as she puts it. We, say, in our culture, we say,

YAH — DEVI — SARV — BHOO — TE — SHOO — — JYOTI — ROOPE — N — SAMSTI — THA — — NAMAS — TASS — AY — NAMAS — TAS — AY — NAMAS — TAS — AY — — NOMOH — NAMAH

This Goddess lives in every being, in the form of light, and i salute that light unfailingly, un-endingly.

So lights are magick-al, yes. and yes i did just use that spelling. whu whu? huh?

But even to think of igniting the world, of a million flames, of love, and affirmation, a million people, lighting up candles, and repeating Tre’s wonderful affirmation, to think of that . . it boggles my doggie brain. To put so much currency into — humans at large — a doggie’s got to be outta his mind i say.

But i like what i see, here, on medium. i like. i really do.

Some personal notes:

H: for a long time i’ve been interested in what you’ve had to say, and i’ve often felt, that when i speak to you, i sort of feel to you like a voice from behind a fence. a voice in the dark. it can feel a little creepy. and i found out you have a thing with stubbles, and i’m always sporting one .. eh!

I think though, for now, it would suffice to say that i’m really too cute to actually wet shave, because then i get cat called and i don’t like it. also i’m no stranger to very very severe PTSD.

Ayesha : Whadup Yaari? i’m still waiting for the alternate therapies that work. <are there emojis on medium? because there are in my head and they’re a little mad>

Jules: Jules, jules, jules, lovely Jules. I feel like running to whereverthefuck you are and giving you a nice tight hug. How’ve you been? Where’ve you been? i’ve been reading your one liners and going ‘wo!!!’. i’d have missed that if i died. And then ‘wo!!!’ again. No seriously, contemplate that. I don’t necessarily mind dying . . it was always ok lets c what that is like . .but what you write, makes me want to give this place a shot. An actual shot. The last time that happened was when i heard the first three tracks of The Joshua Tree, on a pirated disk a friend handed to me. You two, Jules!

Lots of love, Jules, Sunshine.

Lovely Lovely Boobs! And You’re right, that is what a handful of courage would look like.

Yours,

In coconuts

Guz.

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