Overcoming a deeply ingrained mistrust of my lady bits

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Photo by 🐴chuanyu2015 from Pexels

Nowadays, my vagina and I have a good relationship. She and my uterus have seen me through two pregnancies resulting in three children. I know what she likes and she has always been responsive when it’s time to get down and dirty. I take good care of her and she cooperates by keeping the yeast infections to a minimum.

But this healthy relationship with my vagina is a nominally new development. Not so long ago, we weren’t on as great of terms. I’ll be fair and say this was definitely me, not her. She didn’t misbehave or function poorly. No, the blame for our dysfunction lay with me. …


Staying intimate when you can’t have sex is totally doable

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Photo by Hutomo Abrianto on Unsplash

Many couples are unable or unwilling to have sex. Changes in health or physical condition may knock sex off the list of regular bonding activities. Some couples abstain due to religious or cultural reasons. If one or both partners are coping with past trauma, the recovery process may keep sex out of reach. No matter what brought them to the no-doin’-it zone, couples who can’t have sex still need to maintain the intimacy in their relationship.

2018 was a bit of a lonely year for my husband. We found out we were pregnant in January of that year. In February, we discovered I was carrying twins, and I was promptly put on something called pelvic rest. For a variety of concerns, this translated to no sex, no diddles, and no masturbation. Neither I nor the hubs could mess with my lady bits for anything other than check-ups and routine hygiene. …


We are people who do people things, just with more opportunities to type the word penis.

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Photo by Retha Ferguson from Pexels

When I started out writing, I had big dreams of JK Rowling, Stephen King level fame, fortune, and glory. I was strictly a fiction writer with no notion that I’d ever wander into non-fiction or essays.

Eventually, I did figure out that fairy and vampire stories are pretty unlikely to keep the electrics on. Sure, it happens from time to time, but it’s not something I was willing to hold my breath for. So I started pimping out my mastery of the English language for money. One thing led to another, and I ended up writing about sex. …


It doesn’t have to be just new toys and dress-up

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Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

When you’re in a long-term sexual partnership, an eternal challenge is how to keep sexy fun time both sexy and fun. In the early days, there’s a sense of discovery and passion that comes with the newness. You each have something to teach each other. Words like “rabbits” and “marathon” might be tossed around.

The newness wears off and is replaced with a reliable comfort. You know you can come home after a terrible day and get your jollies on, seeking that release and catharsis only your partner can provide. …


So much sex-centric stuff we don’t talk about but should

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Photo by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

1 Lube is not a four-letter word. Okay, it is, technically. But it’s not a bad word. Some people or anatomy regions don’t produce enough natural lubrication to keep lovemaking comfortable. Needing to use lubrication during sex doesn’t make you an underperforming partner.

It’s not always an age or attraction thing. It’s just body chemistry. As many as 30% of women ages 18 to 59 claim they needed to add some KY or Wet ’n’ Wild to the downstairs according to a 2009 report. Vaginal dryness could relate to your hydration levels, medicines you are or have been on, your hormonal cycle, or just how your body is built. Lube is your friend. Feel no shame. …


Ideas to fill your bucket when you’ve got a permanent bedfellow

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Image by Snapwire from Pexels

Sex buckets lists are all the rage. Promising explorations of sensation and connection with lovers, partners, total strangers is intriguing and keeps your mind churning with passion and desire.

Inspired by the plethora of my fellow sex writers preaching the glories of buckets of sex, I sat down to make my own. The first item on my list was a threesome.

And there, I got stuck. You see, I’m married. Happily, blissfully, contentedly married to a man I could not have built better in the Weird Science lab. I know that Mr. …


Tips for watching other people get it on before you get it on

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Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

I like porn. Since I first discovered it years and years ago, I’ve enjoyed the instant, effortless arousal it provides. It has always been an efficient and comprehensive masturbatory aid for me. Add a few toys into the mix, and I’m golden.

My husband also likes porn. He, like many folks, is a very visual creature. In our real-life sexual relationship, he loves when I wear lace or do a little sexy striptease. And he’s a firm lights-on guy. Porn always has the lights on.

And yet, in our nearly decade-long relationship, we’d never watched porn together. It has always been a single-player experience for each of us. We finally lost our shared porn virginity not long ago. And there are some things we learned. …


Spoiler: It isn’t “Shuts up and lets you enjoy it.”

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Photo by Braydon Anderson on Unsplash

Last week I posted what is, hands down, my most successful article on Medium to date. The actual stats of the piece are unimportant. My record-shattering views, reads, and earnings might be a flop for another writer or feel like a pipe dream for someone else.

But for me, this article was an unequivocal success. So did that taste of success send my Imposter Syndrome retreating? Nope. Over the last few days, my feelings of self-doubt have taken on new, unexpected forms. Luckily, I’ve played this game before. And there are ways to win.

1 Imposter Syndrome plays dirty with half-truths. Imposter Syndrome, when confronted with the idea that you might have what it takes to find real and true success, gets creative. If, in the glow of even anomalous success, your Imposter Syndrome can’t use “You’ll never be successful” to browbeat you, it will adopt other mantras, all tinged with the possibility of truth. …


Life Lessons

If wisdom is beauty, it was an ugly night

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Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

If you’re a fan of the show Shark Tank, chances are pretty great you already know about The Sleep Styler Curlers. These odd velcro-encrusted foam rollers you wrap up in damp hair promise full, wavy locks without damaging heat or harsh chemical goos.

I’d bought a set a few years ago and promptly let them languish in the bottom of my bathroom cabinet, still zipped up in their snug little plastic bag.

I describe my fashion goals as pin-up librarian MILF. I sweep my hair up in the twisted pin curls of the 30s or else the overstated victory rolls of the 40s. It requires shaping my slightly wavy, slightly straight hair into big, voluminous coifs via heat, enough Bobby pins to set off metal detectors, and an excessive amount of non-aerosol hairspray. …


Not everything about sex is wildly apparent, and no one wants to talk about it.

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Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

1 Not all positions will work for all couples. Everyone’s physiology is different. Vulvas, penises, vaginas, and testicles come in all shapes, sizes, and layouts. As a result, what works with one partner may not work with another. Some vagina-havers have a short vaginal canal, meaning the cervix is closer to the outside. Deep penetration by toys, well-endowed penis-owners, or long fingers may poke that, and it might not feel great. Girthy objects may not fit “tighter” openings, and no amount of prep or stretching can make it feel right for some folks.

For instance, the position of my vaginal opening and the layout of my husband’s junk makes doggy-style stupid uncomfortable for us. Because I am not a comic book character, my spine doesn’t bend that way. This discovery made both my husband and I rather sad as both of us had enjoyed the position with previous partners. It just doesn’t work for us as a couple. …

About

Gwenna Laithland

Blogger & Content Creator | mommacusses.com

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