If you have been looking for a way help your fellow man lately, permit me to suggest an idea for your consideration. It’s big. It addresses a problem that, if resolved, could change lives, our country, maybe even the whole world for the better. It’s taken years of study to identify and even put a name on the problem, but I have discovered an illness which plagues all of us in one way or another and a way to cure it. When you hear what it is, the damage it has done in your life will be obvious.

Before I tell you about this disturbing discovery, let me give you some perspective. In many ways I am an old fashioned guy. My favorite vehicle is a pickup truck so old that you have to stomp the gas pedal several times to set the choke so it will start when cold. But I’m also high-tech. In fact, my business deals with some of the most advanced technology of the day. That mixed perspective of old and new is actually the main reason I was able to identify this crippling disease, which I will now tell you about.

I call it sophistospeak (so-fist-o-speak). The best definition I have come up with so far is this: the excessive, obscene and unnecessary use of enormous words and complex procedures in the course of common day to day communication. It has grown from an infestation in our educational institutions and is now a full blown epidemic.

I’m sure you have noticed that it seems to take longer and is more complicated to accomplish so many simple things, particularly if it involves dealing with a business or a branch of government. There are many symptoms, but the underlying cause is sophistospeak. And once sophistospeak has infected an organization, it’s like intellectual AIDS. The victim comes down with a host of other illnesses due to a weakened reasoning system.

Here is an example. Once infected with sophistospeak people can’t simply “do” anything. They must facilitate, or initiate with follow up, or enable to fruition, or engage to move off the point of inertia. And it is no longer possible to “discuss” anything in detail. Sophistospeak demands that one extrapolate the granular metrics or parse the known variables. And forget about asking when something might be done. One must request a schedule of deliverables or a sequential timeline of action items to get that kind of information from a victim of this disease.

And you better be careful if you do business with victims of sophistospeak. If you don’t speak the language correctly it can cost you big time. If you errantly suggest enabling to fruition when you should have just requested facilitation, it can cause a meeting to run over for an extra hour or spawn dozens of emails in order to clear up the misunderstanding. Sophistospeak is a progressive illness that can flare up into epidemics of useless debate and needless micro-analysis at the drop of a hat.

Which brings us to those related diseases that I mentioned. There too many to name them all, but here are a few. There is committee-itis, delay-mensia, straight-answer paralysis, egomania, severe allergies to common sense and the well known malady of political correctness. One of the most insidious is a disease I call circulumtoriosis (sir-ku-lum-tor-e-o-sis). It’s when you find yourself going in circles, time and time again having to repeat the same information or perform the same tasks without making any headway. This bug can be deadly to hours and sometimes days of your time and it is rampant right now among customer service systems of phone companies, credit card companies, technology companies and all levels of government. And it’s all caused by sophistospeak.

How sophistospeak is able to mutate into so many other illnesses is really quite simple once you know the secret. You see, most people who engage in sophistospeak don’t really have a clue what they are saying, let alone what someone else is saying back to them. They hear the bloated vocabulary and because everyone else is acting like they understand it, they play along rather than have it revealed that they really don’t get it. They just parrot the words in what seems like the right context and go on, leaving a trail of confusion and dysfunctional results. It’s a vicious cycle of elitist ignorance that grows like a fungus in a damp basement. It can cripple an entire city government in a matter of weeks if left untreated.

So, if you would like to take up a cause that might just change the world, resolve to eradicate sophistospeak. If you are not yet infected it’s easy. Simply refuse to speak it and demand that others with whom you communicate do likewise. If you are already infected it is tougher. It will involve a period of stuttering and tongue biting, but you can do it if you try. Now that you know, the world is counting on you. Good luck.