Constantly on the Verge of Homelessness

I used to own my own home, but then it fell apart, literally, and I moved in with total strangers. That was 7 years ago, and I’m still living here, in spite of attempts to move elsewhere during that time.

I rent a bedroom, and depending on how much money I’ve made and the mood of my brother-in-law, who I’m renting from, I’m either a month or a day from getting kicked out. Right now, it’s closer to a day, since I’m a month and a half behind on rent due to having been sick most of December and not having made any money.

It doesn’t help that my ex-husband, who I’m still technically married to, lives here as well, and he and the brother-in-law clash quite regularly because they’re both assholes who think everyone should do what they say. When they clash, the verge of homelessness looms that much closer.

I’m a month and a half behind on rent, and ex is two months behind on his rent because he lost his job and unemployment keeps stringing him along with new requirements and unexpected errors, so money is tight and the brother-in-law is stressed as fuck. He’s ranted quite frequently, and threatened to make us move out more and more, but we’ve been to this point before. And yet, somehow, we always managed to make it work. We always managed to pull things off.

I don’t know how we’re going to do it this time, but I never know how we’re going to do it.

Yesterday, I wrote about how hope is a lie, and I can tell you, I have none right now. I could be homeless tomorrow for all I know. It’s a real possibility.

And yet, I’m not worried. I’m not scared. I’m not freaking out about the fact that I might have to pack what I can carry, toss the rest, and live on the streets at any moment. And the fact that I’m not freaking out is important, because past experience tells me that if I’m not freaking out then everything is going to be okay.

Ex started a new job today, and I’m not sick anymore, so I can start focus on launching my new site and promoting the services and programs that go with it. Brother-in-law will hold on long enough for us to make money, and we’ll all calm down and stop stressing the fuck out so much.

But until then, it’s a bit tense. I’m ready for things to change, I’m ready for that breakthrough.

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