I seriously can’t get over the fact that I am so generally displeased with just about everything in my life! Wtf is wrong with me?! I have shit so I should be grateful right?
Well, I am grateful. I am thankful. I have just about everything a girl my age could dream of. Seriously. I am married. I have my own house. My husband just bought me a new car. I don’t have children. Great job that I love most of the time. Listen to that could I sound anymore stuck up? I am not a snooty little bitch. But, here is what I am thinking… has my life style turned me into a materialist?…
No. My husband has. I am married to one of the most selfish, materialistic, pricks out there. He works so so hard for me don’t get me wrong. Or well maybe it’s not for me. I don’t really know how to answer that. He works about 80 hours a week and is hardly ever home. I work about 45 hours a week, take care of the house, dog, cat and most of the crap we have. Again, I’m grateful for everything but I myself realize that all of that “crap” won’t matter when we leave this world. My husband on the other hand cares about name brands and what he has in his bank account. I’m all about family, people, and my friends. Moments that money literally can’t buy. I wouldn’t really change anything about my husband except for the fact that he doesn’t realize people won’t be around forever and working is great and all but when you’re 60 years old looking back… what is going to matter more? For me, it’s going to be my memories. I write this because I think I have decided that if I am going to stay married to my husband who I do love so much… I don’t plan on having a family with him. How selfish would it be of me to bring children into this world who will have a father who is never around to make memories with and who buys them things to keep them happy? No thank you. Truthfully, it’s not all him it’s more of me not wanting to raise kids in this awful world too. Alex is a great man. He makes sure I have what I need but mentally he is slacking and I wish I had more time with him. I hate it. I hate that I spend more time by myself than anything. I realized the other day how independent I am though. It was kind of nice to know I do everything on my own and I CAN do everything on my own. Let me also add the fact that I don’t believe in divorce and I picked this man to share my life with. I will do whatever it takes to always make my marriage work. I’m not at the point where I am sacrificing my happiness but I am ranting because I am entitled to it.
I would rather him work than be a bum. I would also LOVE to have more moments like the one up there where we are wrestling around on the floor with our dog. Laughing and smiling is my favorite thing to do with Alex. He has the best laugh. He has that laugh that makes you laugh, curling over, tears running down your face. I do have to count my blessings that he is around for me.
Btw… I know I said I love the Lord and I dropped a couple cuss words up there. I also would like all of you to understand I am human. Here’s to a positive post after this because so far I’ve been blogging about everything I hate. I am starting to get on my own nerves.
Love, laughter, and happily ever after.