Since I got back from Boston I’m totally fucked up. I cry talking about the trip and it seems to be some intense post vacation blues but it does not quit. I cry recounting what’s going on with my coworker. I get weepy in the evening thinking about my butchered…

I think I am beginning to miscarry in a portapotty on the top of greylock mountain. After two weeks of brown blood, there is undeniable red in my pad and when I wipe there’s more and it’s chunky. I stuff old napkin-as-tissue in there and wait for the flood. I…

When I told F over text, she pushed me to get an early spate of testing and ultrasounds. Our friend who had suffered multiple miscarriages, at one point had gone in at 12 weeks only to be told the fetus had died around 8 weeks. It’s now my fear too…

I went on a date and on the date we got flu shots and it was the first time I checked a box that said I was pregnant (aside from the time during the TWW when I was trying to falsely prequalify for the covid vax and *could* have conceivably…

It’s my second cycle of IUI. I’m on dpo 11, NARP is around 8 weeks and I think I remember her saying she got a faint line on 11. Unhelpfully, I trawl/cruise the community charts. Wtf are these women doing to get positives at day 8 or 9? I feel…

The first IUI. The last and only IUI? The best IUI? The most magical? D was with me the first time I used the plastic syringe, the first insemination ever. And she’s here again today, the timing largely a coincidence. She bailed on a dance class we were supposed to…

Heaven is being reunited with a college bestie after 18 months and indulging in all the infertility thoughts that are clouded up inside me. I break into tears just waiting at the airport, texting with her as she taxis. …

We’re in a phase 2 of covid of sorts. A meta phase two that is following the larger phase 1 umbrella over the endless, countless phases we’ve had in the past year and a half. So it is only appropriate that I should move into my own personal phase two…