Week 6 NFL Predictions

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALLLLLLL??!! It’s already week 6 which means there is only 11 more weeks left in the season. (6 and 11.. Sounds like that could be the winner of the AFC South this year… And then, well, gets bounced in the first round of the playoffs…. NOT THE POINT!)

This season is going by faster than Brandin Cooks running 90 yards down the sideline in about 3 seconds. It needs to take its time like Aaron Rodgers getting 12 seconds to throw every time he drops back. (No but really.. He needs to buy his O-linemen like new Range Rovers or something because it is just ridiculous… but even with that ridiculous amount of time… WHY ARE YOU ONLY COMPLETING 56% OF YOUR FREAKIN PASSES AARON HUH?? PLEASE EXPLAIN AARON. YOU’RE DEAD LAST AARON. DEAD. LAST.) Alright. I’m good. I promise. (but really Aaron if you could be better that would be great) ANYWAYS. Let’s get into this.

NFL Thursday Night Game: Broncos v. Chargers

Does anybody really like Thursday night games? I mean yeah, cool, it’s a nice opener for a week of football but still.. Thursday? Why Thursday? Why not Friday? Or even Tuesday? I like Tuesday. Who wouldn’t love three straight days of football? But anyways, coming off of their first loss of the season where they got beat worse than the scoreboard indicates, Denver travels to San Diego who happens to be the best/worst team I think I have ever seen. I swear, if games only lasted 2 quarters, Chargers all the way baby. But WOW are they bad in the second half. Defensively at least. If Philip Rivers could play defense maybe they could win. But how about MELVIN GORDON? Who saw this coming? I’m actually taking the Chargers in this one. Even though they fall apart late in the second half EVERY. SINGLE. GAME.. I don’t think Denver’s offense is potent enough to make that type of run. GO BOLTS BABY!

Sunday 1 o’clock games:

Eagles v. Redskins

I’m still not sold on the Eagles as a whole yet. Yeah they absolutely shut down the best offense in the league and yeah they have a rookie quarterback who is miles better than everyone thought, but still. Not sold. I mean, c’mon man. Besides the Steelers, they beat the BROWNS? And the BEARS? That’s pathetic. And then you go to DETROIT and lose? DETROIT! I’m not sold on the birds yet, but maybe they can sell themselves to me for a good price this weekend. I like the Eagles in Washington this week, very tightly.

Steelers @ Dolphins

The Dolphins are a mess right now, and with Ben, Brown and Bell coming to town, things are not getting any easier any time soon. There’s not much to say other than you might want to start filing reports for murder as soon as possible..

Jaguars v. Bears

Ugh. UGHHHH. I hate these games. a combined 2–7 between these guys. I don’t want to stay on this for long so let’s make this quick. The Bears D has actually looked sharp all season, and Brian Hoyer is straight ballin’ as of late. John Fox I swear to god if you start Jay Cutler at all again this season… Anyways, if the Jags don’t figure something out, Hoyer will have another big day and absolutely own the Jags. Daaaa Bears.

Titans v. Browns

Do I even need to predict this one? The Browns are headed down the dreaded path to go a whopping 0–16 this year and even against this mediocre Tennessee team.. I mean really, do they reaaallllyy have a chance here? I say no. No way. 0–6.

Bengals @ Patriots

Some people might be thinking “oh boy this will get bad.” But I’m over here thinking “wow this is going to be one hell of a game… at least I hope..” After the embarrassing performance where the Bengals would have done better just staying at home last week, how could they possibly gather up enough confidence to go on the road and even give Tom Brady a run for his money? Well, I think they will. Not saying they will win, but the Bengals are PISSED. No defense likes getting ran all over like that, especially when it’s by a rookie. I think the Bengals will keep this one close, but in the end, Tom Brady is just too much to handle.

49ers v. Bills

How fitting is it that the first game Colin Kaepernick has to play, he plays a team whose colors are red, white and blue? 49ers fans better hope hes not taking a knee all game seeing these colors. The Bills will be looking to kill Kaepernick, so I would say the 49ers barely even get out of this one alive. I’ll take the Bills.

Ravens v. Giants

After Starting 3–0, the Ravens have lost their last 2. After starting 2–0, the Giants have lost their last 3. However, OBJ has kissed and made up with the kicking net, so does that mean the bad blood is gone? Maybe Taylor Swift can teach him a thing or two. Giants take this one.

Rams v. Lions

Let’s make this one quick, we’ve got better games to move on to. I am no where near sold on the Rams being 3–2 right now. They can’t ride the Case Keenum wave throughout the season. (FREE JARED GOFF). And Todd Gurley has not been Todd Gurley. I don’t get it. How are they winning? Someone please let me know. They are playing the Lions though so I guess I’ll take the Rams, even though I really don’t want to.

Panthers v. Saints

What. The. Hell. What has happened to Carolina? Did Charles Tillman and Josh Norman really impact that team that much? I mean they still have the MVP controlling the team. Who would’ve ever thought the Super Bowl losers, the Carolina Dabbers, the team that went 15–1 (15 AND FREAKIN 1) last year would already have 4 losses? They’re panicking right now in Carolina, which might be an advantage for Drew Brees and the Saints. I’m just gonna have to take New Orleans in this one.

Sunday 4:05/4:25 games:

Chiefs v. Raiders

According to Colin Cowherd, Derek Carr has been the MVP so far this year. Although I do not agree completely, (Matt Ryan and Big Ben) Derek Carr has been lights out this season. On the flip side, is the Chiefs defense really as good as we all initially thought? I guess we’ll find out on Sunday. Raiders win this one.

Cowboys v. Packers

This is like George Washington and Abe Lincoln getting in the octagon and duking it out for the dub. What history in this game…. With how sub-par Aaron Rodgers has been this season, (at least for Aaron Rodgers standards) he still has the Packers sitting at 3–1. Dallas has really shocked the football world so far, not just being 4–1, but with how well the rookie duo, Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliot, are playing right now. Prescott STILL has not thrown a pick yet. And Zeke has just been running wild as of late, not rushing for less than 134 yards in the past 3 games. However, Zeke might have trouble against this Packers D this week as they have allowed the fewest rush yards and yards per rushing attempt so far this season. It may be another ugly game for Rodgers, but I think him and the Packers pull this one out.

Falcons v. Seahwaks

I would say I feel bad for Atlanta, having to go to Denver and now having to go to Seattle, but I don’t. I think this is what they were made for. I think they showed us who they really were last Sunday defeating Denver, but if they are able to take down Seattle too, then we may be talking about the absolute favorite to run away with the NFC. (Even over Minnesota). Coming off a bye week though, Seattle will be a little more prepared than usual, so Matt Ryan and company might be in for an even bigger test on Sunday. It’s hard to pick a winner here, but if I had to choose, I’m picking Atlanta. It’s just impossible to choose against them right now.

Colts v. Texans

Oh boy. Well, I’m pretty sure the winner of this division comes down to these two teams.. (possibly being 6–10 plus the loss in the playoffs). I guess J.J Watt not playing is killing this Texans defense more than we initially thought as they just got torched by Sam Bradford and the Vikings. Neither team is playing well as of late, but I’ll have to go with Indy. Mostly because Brock Osweiler is absolutely pathetic. (GET DEANDRE HOPKINS THE DAMN BALL YOU MORON)

Monday Night Football:

Jets v. Cardinals

The Cardinals lose one more game, they go over their loss total from their entire season last year. Luckily for Arizona, they have a guy by the name of David Johnson who is pulling a Greg Jennings and has decided to “put the team on my back doe.” The Jets have looked more than awful recently, so Carson Palmer may be in for a huge game on Monday Night. David Johnson might get stuffed a little by the Jets defensive front (Le’Veon Bell only rushed for 66 yards on 20 carries last Sunday) but Johnson will look to be big receiving the ball out of the backfield. Arizona reaches the .500 mark.