Little Wins Are Big
By Haley Stomp
Winning The Lottery
A friend recently texted me, “If I win the lottery I’ll give you ten million.” That’s a cool text to get, and it’s fun to imagine suddenly having ten million dollars. Life could change pretty dramatically overnight. It is not, however, very likely to happen.
There are many examples of life changing in an instant. Unfortunately, most of those involve disasters. It hit me recently that making progress in real life is about incremental wins. Grinding out little changes every day adds up until one day you realize you’ve fixed the thing that used to cause so much stress, grief and late-night “why me?”s.
A Little Example
If you’ve ever had to sleep train a baby, congratulations on still being here. You deserve a giant trophy if said baby is now a functioning, sleeping person. There are at least three years of my life I do not recall due to having two babies within fifteen months of each other. It took each one of those beautiful people about a year to finally sleep all the way through the night consistently. Since then, we’ve gone through various stages of sleeping arrangements including, but not limited to: one parent sleeping by each kid; two kids and one parent; one kid on the floor, two parents on the floor, one kid in a bed; both kids in same bed; various people on couches in various rooms; bunk beds, tents and body pillows. Then you add sounds: soft music, loud music, no music, that damn lamb that plays heart sounds and the same audio book on repeat for six years. I won’t list all the scenarios for fear of triggering trauma, but just know mastering bedtime with kids is expert-level parenting.
You know what happened this week?!! Both of my beautiful boys slept alone in their relatively clean rooms, in their beds, with actual bedding, at a decent bedtime, all the way through the night. It’s a Christmas miracle. If you were looking for a reason to celebrate this week, here you go!
This is not something that just happened overnight (pun intended). It took many years and a lot of work to get to this point. We developed new routines, remodeled rooms, agreed on goals, navigated fears, survived fighting and crying (mostly the parents) and never gave up striving for our dream of having kids and parents with healthy bedtime habits. We went from no-sleeping infants to perfectly sleeping, almost-middle-schoolers gradually, quietly inching over the finish line.
Recognizing Little Wins
How does the sleeping example apply to my career change? I haven’t yet found my “dream job” like a bolt of lightning or sudden tornado. There are days I like the gradual pace. Other days the uncertainty is hard and I just want to pick something, even if it’s not quite right. I remind myself there is movement every day, and every day I am closer to saying yes to the next step. I am celebrating little wins, and the wins are building on each other like a snowball. I also accept having a fulfilling career is only one part of life. This journey is about so much more than a job. It’s about transformation, feeling better and being the best version of me in preparation for the next parenting or career or life challenge.
Here is my reminder list of little wins I’m using to fuel me forward:
- I can say with much more certainty what I enjoying doing, what I miss doing and what excites me.
- I can admit what wasn’t working and what wasn’t making me happy, even if it means adjusting what I thought I wanted.
- I have new insight into how I was spending money and what things are most important.
- I’ve learned doing pro bono work to support someone with a good idea is rewarding and motivating.
- I’ve practiced saying no to those opportunities that don’t fit or feel right.
- I’ve worked to undo some habits and start some new, better ones.
- I’m letting go of unreasonable or unnecessary expectations. For example, I accept I will never completely be done with the laundry, because laundry is forever and ever and ever. Amen.
For now, I want to remember the little things can be the big ones. Progress and work aren’t always obvious. Sometimes it’s what doesn’t work out that moves you forward, and sometimes it’s the little steps day after day that lead to the real win. I’ll continue to count the incremental victories and sleep soundly knowing my boys are snuggled in their beds and the big wins are coming.
