She’s the greatest.
The advanced statistics class was held on Thursday noon and lectured by a beautiful lady Ms. Titissari. In the first class at the first week of the February, I remember that I noticed the weird feeling. And I realized that it was the first time I noticed her as a special one.
Week after week, I’d tried to know her but no idea was coming. But I knew the only opportunity was to be closed to her in the class. During the class, I used to sit just one seat behind her. I then took some of her hair and played her hair with my hand, while I asked her about degree of freedom. That was my first time I knew her in person. In fact, I never properly asked for her name and introduced myself as Haekal. But it was beautiful and I will never forget how it happened.
“That was my first time I knew her in person. In fact, I never properly asked for her name and introduced myself as Haekal”
I am an economics student, and she is a management student (finance as her choice later). We’d go in a very different class in the next semester. And I had not thought about her for about a month after the statistic class ended. But in the first summer of holiday, I was offered to be a board of director in national sport event held by my campus. At once, I tried to refuse the offer as it did not match with my preference to work a project during the day-off. But then I thought about her. I then asked my soon-to-be Vice President, “ Am I have a full control to manage my team? It means I can pick whoever I want to enroll the job?” and he said “Yes, you can. But I have some positions filled, so you can choose anyone unless the filled positions. And we will have a bidding session, so bring your best mate so we can win and run this event”.
You know the first thing I did right? Yes, I texted her and offered the position. I convinced her that it’s gonna be fun. Yet, she asked who’s gonna be her team mate and still doubt about the decision. I gave her a chocolate which my sister brought it fresh from Paris. I gave it to convince her. And I said to her “we are not 100% sure to be the team that run the event, we have another team who wants to lead it and we have less probability to win it. So, help me win it”. She then accepted my offer. And I thought to myself. “If we win it, I then have the opportunity to have her. If I lose, I believe the opportunity will soon be vanished”.
“If we win it, I then have the opportunity to have her. If I lose, I believe the opportunity will soon be vanished”
We won the bidding session. And the rest is history. I remember (and will always remember) that I asked her love after she ran MISS FEUI event. I came as a participant only for getting her sympathy. I waited for her and I asked her to have some coffee in sweet cafe around her house at Kemang. I said the words. She hold on to it. She said she’d answer in the next day. And she is a woman of her words.
She accepted my love at March 10, 2013. It was an 8-intensive-month to catch her, to lock her, and to have her. A week after that, the news had been dispersed to all over campus. I then received a LEGEND predicate cause I was the only one who could freeze her heart. Weird but proud.
Day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. She made me better, even greater. We helped each other on class, I gave her my story. She did the same. We solved problems. We had some fun. We went to Bromo, we went to Pulau Seribu, slept over in Bandung. We had more than 100 dinners. We loved to run together both in the morning or evening. We swam together, we caught the sunset. We watched movies, from the first time we watched, Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, until the last time we watched, Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 2? (hope the end of the movies will be similar to ours :D ).
We celebrated our anniversary, her birthday and my birthday. We build our love in our own way. All things what Indonesian couple did, we’d almost done it too.
Class was fine. We’d done our intern session, she with HSBC, me with Citibank. Thesis was done! I always supported her to keep her on track. And she did thoroughly. I thought I was OK with mine too, but it’s not. Yet, she helped me with pleasure to recompose my thesis data. And she helped me get through one of the hardest day in my life.
And then we’d go to the work-life session. The Indonesian economics was slowing down, the unemployment rate increased. The competition to get work had been more competitive than before. Failures we have. Persistent we have to be. As the result, she got accepted N, while me at O.
She’s successfully reduced my bad habit and weaknesses. She’s helped me become a new person, a bolder man. She taught me how to deal with problems, to be a mature person. And we had never had a fight which stood over than a day for 3 years. 3 years! And it was remarkable. We only had one unsolved problem in the beginning of April 2016. But at the end, she said sorry for what happened. And I felt really sorry for being stubborn at that days.
How sweet, great, cool and romantic a relationship is, it is still a relationship which always have a negative side. As human being, we have always been having our strengths and weaknesses. It also complies with relationship. After all the sweetness in our relationship. We have one critical different understanding about life. It involves our principal of life. I will not expose this thing publicly since it counts a sensitive part in our lives. At first, we debated and argued about it. As I am the dominant person and always have a logical tink-tank thoughts, she always lose every time we discussed it. But over 3 years, she’s still standing with her opinion in which I doubt how to deal with this.
As a person, I believe human have rights to live a life differently. So it is fine to have a differences of two characters. I believe so. I have tried with something else, and yes we did it. We have many differences, and yes we can live with it. BUT NOT THIS ONE. We have tried to discuss this for more than 2 years. Well, it is what it is. Some get made and some cannot be changed. And what makes it matter? Why can’t I just live with this difference? Because it reflects in how we act, we think, and choices of life. It affects everything. And we disagree for that.
June 4, 2016. We agreed to meet after 1 month not seeing each other. Before we dated, she asked me where we gonna do today, and I said coffee shop seems OK, please find it for us. I took her to a lunch first in our favorite kaki-lima restaurant in Panglima Polim before we have some coffee. Then we go to well-known coffee shop in Blok M.
3 days before this day, we had a fight about our difference. Yes our difference, the mighty difference. She said “I think I’m tired”. I then thought myself “Is it the day to……..?”. That night, I could not sleep. I thought a lot about what’s gonna happen, the risks, the opportunity, and the fear if ….. happens. As a result, I came late to the office the next day.
At the coffee shop, we are very uncommon compared to usual date we had. I was very scared to look at her face during the day. She had a less talk, so am I. I knew it was because we fear about it. Then, as a man, I opened the conversation. She explained it carefully that she was tired to live with this difference. And she asked me, “so what? how do we have to do?”
I said that I also agreed with her, that this difference is the obstacle that we could not solve at the moment. I said the saddest word I have ever said in my life, “I think we have to end this. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you very much. I want you to reach you ultimate happiness, but this difference is resisting you to understand and reach it, vice versa on me. This is gonna be blue, but we have to face it.”
I said many good things she’d done to me, have a nostalgic moment for a while. She said the same things as mine. The tears of her was streaming down in her face. It was a very sorrow moment, yet it was relieve. I didn’t cry at all. I tried so hard not to cry. And I did it. We talked over and over again about this, trying to resist that the conclusion had been found. But yea, we agreed to explore things, to free ourselves from our own provision, so in the future we understand why this difference is the best to remain unsolved.
“…..so in the future we understand why this difference is the best to remain unsolved.”
I walked her home after the coffee shop session. In the way to her home, I said to her to listen to the song, it was EVERGLOW, composed by Coldplay, my favorite band of all time. I played this song over and over again. I hold her and hug her. While I sang the song. I want her to remember this song as our beautiful goodbye. In front of her house, I hugged her tightly and kissed her for the last time. I could not stare her face at the last moment. But I always have her face in my heart.
oh they say people come, say people go
this particular diamond was extra special
and though you might be gone, and the world may not know
still I see you, celestial
like a lion you ran, a goddess you rolled
like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple
so how come things move on, how come cars don’t slow
when it feels like the end of my world
when I should but I can’t let you go?
but when I’m cold, cold
oh when I’m cold, cold
there’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow
there’s a feeling you give me, an everglow
like brothers in blood, sisters who ride
and we swore on that night we’d be friends til we die
but the changing of winds, and the way waters flow
life as short as the falling of snow
and now I’m gonna miss you I know
but when I’m cold, cold
in water rolled, salt
I know that you’re with me and the way you will show
and you’re with me wherever I go
and you give me this feeling this everglow
oh- I I I I
what I wouldn’t give for just a moment to hold
yeah I live for this feeling this everglow
so if you love someone, you should let them know
oh the light that you left me will everglow
I am writing this to appreciate her works, her dedication, and her love to me during our time as it improves me as a person. I adore her more than anyone else in my life. She’s the greatest for sure. So thanks and sorry for everything, FAR. Remember, Far is always better than Din. :)
See you on the other side, Far.
What is love? Love cannot be defined by words, but only by heart — HA