Journal #6 : I’M ALIVE!

Week 3 Day 4 of quitting smoking. I’m alive and still zero relapses! Calm down guys. I’m okay!

But holy hell, things are still difficult. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, so if I did please forgive me for being repetitive, but the cravings are getting much worse. In a sense it’s the same, and in another sense it’s actually better, but in another sense it’s worse. Not making sense? You really need to start kicking an addicting habit that was formed for over ten to twelve years, then you’ll see what I mean.

So in the beginning, during the first two weeks or so, the cravings were more frequent but less intense. Like, almost every trigger available hit me and started poking their sticky-icky fingers into my brain like this:

“Hey man…wanna smoke man? Come on, let’s do this man…it’ll be okay man, let’s go man…come on, you need it man…”

However recently those voices have reduced in frequency, but increased in intensity, so they sound like this:

YOU
SMOKE
NOWNOWNOWNOWJESUSCHRISTYOUASSHOLENOWNOWNOW

However it’s the same thing in a different voice. So I answer it the same way; “No.” It’s asking the same thing, just using a different tactic. In my video game experience this is like fighting an Elite mob after spending the last five or so levels beating up the same mob over and over again. They have higher stats, more health, deal more damage, but in the end they’re the same thing. You don’t even need to change up your cycle to beat them, it just surprises you the first few times and then…yawn.

However I did mention my willpower stat is my dump stat (note: I didn’t pay attention to it in character creation). Therefore I do admit there are times when I have no answer to the voices and they just keep hitting me with the intense craving voice and I feel super tempted to just surrender and go for a smoke even knowing that I’m going to regret even the first puff.

Thank God for the nicotine gum. That shit is magic. Munch munch, stick it to your gums, imagine the nicotine going into your brain, munch munch stick it to the roof of your mouth, and feel the sharp pain as the nicotine is absorbed through your mucosa. Sometimes you swallow and the nicotine is in your saliva and it hits your throat and you feel the throat hit, and whaddya know, man, by the time the gum becomes bland and flavorless and the only chemical left inside it is whatever the gum is made of, you really don’t feel like going for a cigarette now.

There is a downside to this, and I leave it to your imagination with the following google search:

Sorry, Sayang. I promise to spit it out before I sleep next time. Sincerely, Your Idiot Husband.