Being Green Ain’t Cute

When did “being green” get so cute? Like, as a culture, how did we let that happen?

Let’s break down a scenario.

1. Where: grocery checkout line:

You are at the checkout with several items in your cart. You’ve got your overpriced almond milk, a few bananas, some granola, and the Sore Thumb Item that is a white sheet cake found at the discount rack near the bathrooms. The checkout person begins placing your items in a lethal plastic bag to which you: open your mouth and eyes awkwardly, and stall for second before saying:

“You know what? I think I’ll save you the plastic and just carry these items out. Unfortunately I forgot my cotton bags today.”

To which the checkout clerk says, with a look of hesitation: “Carry them out — you got all of it? Aww, well, I guess lifting weights in the name of being ‘green’!” [laughs]

So: You’re lifting “weights” in the name of being ‘green.’

VERDICT: Cute? No, imperative. It’s not a trend or an alternative movement or a docile saying, it’s an action and way of life that is crucial to our survival on this planet.

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You know, there’s this funny notion that climate change doesn't affect humans. And honestly, I’d rather save the land the ignorant humans inhabit than the ignorant humans themselves. But since that isn’t feasible or widely agreeable, we must try to knock down the one hundred foot wall that is human selfishness. If the prospect of saving a few fish doesn’t lure any one of us to do the right thing, it’s best we consider our egos.

Now that we’re involved, let’s break it down. All of the mindless driving to close places — in huge cars! — is emitting a lil something called CO2 that happens to suck for our environment — in other words, our home!

Remember: your McMansion can’t be relocated to Jupiter!

So, being green shouldn’t be selective or optional. It’s not for a type of person (read: liberal) or a certain region. Living in Texas — although the Texans may think otherwise — doesn’t make you exempt from the diligent bike riding and precycling taking place in Portland.

Let’s not get it twisted. Let’s not create more waste by making little “green” products like cute t-shirts and keychains and mugs. Use less, be aware of your surroundings, take responsibility, and stop laughing about those who go the extra mile to be sustainable. And stop wasting peddling backwards by engaging in consumption if you’re promoting reduction.

In other words, STFU and walk.