No phone, no FOMO: lessons from study abroad

Haidyn Bulen
Sep 1, 2018 · 4 min read

Day 2 of study abroad. I’m sitting on the bus across from a girl who I later find out attends Seattle University and it feels like it is meant to be. My roots are in Washington, my best friends from elementary school attend University of Washington, why not add another Seattleite to the mix? She has golden hair, cute yellow jeans, and a thrift score (the phrase I use for trendy thrift store finds) shirt. She sits alone in a two person seat and I can feel a general sense of independence, calmness, and curiosity emanating from her. Twelve hours later I feel like we are old friends, sitting in our hotel room laughing out of tired delirium from the day’s events and picking out outfits for tomorrow’s adventure to Toledo. Her name is Hallie, she has a passion for photography, and we have already solidified our friendship based on a mutual love for yoga, a summer full of growth and self-care, and picking up almost all of the same clothes to try on at Zara.

Reflecting on the day, I feel simultaneously serene and elevated. I spent the day exploring Madrid with my soon to be homestay roommate, Kat, who is incredibly genuine and has already taught me new ways to view the world, and Hallie, who I can tell aligns with my core beliefs (she is a pisces, after-all) and inspires me with her creativity.

We started the day with a guided tour of Madrid and the Prado Museum, which I thought would be boring, too touristy, and unauthentic, but it was completely the opposite (already making me reflect on my preconceived notions and too quick to judge attitude). Even though I had already explored the Prado Museum on my own a few days prior, the tour guide spoke in Spanish and provided much more depth and information to paintings by renown and revered Spanish painters Velázquez, El Greco, and Francisco de Goya. Leaving the museum I felt elated — I had not only learned new Spanish vocabulary but I also felt as if I really understood, through the lens of talented retratistas, why so many madrileños were so in love with this city. After the Prado, Hallie, Kat, and I split off from the larger group and meandered over to Retiro park, a place too big and beautiful to put into words, where we continued to talk effortlessly and learn about one another while admiring the indescribable beauty around us. About an hour and a half later we started walking to Puerta del Sol to find a place to grab some tapas and sangría. Fitting right into Spanish culture, we sat and ate/talked/laughed/drank for over two hours. Feeling reenergized, we walked around the city center for many more hours, exploring the small streets and eventually finding a bookstore where we bonded over our love of the Spanish poetry section and our ability to actually read and comprehend the texts. To end the night we ate dinner around 9, assimilating ourselves into the Spanish eating schedule, and talked over some more sangría for another two and a half hours before walking home, exhausted but completely fulfilled by our day’s adventures, to the hotel.

Now I sit here in my hotel room, reflecting on the day, and realize that today I felt truly in the moment. I was present, attentive, focused on learning about Hallie, Kat, and of course the beautiful city of Madrid. I did not stop once to pull out my phone, check any messages, browse social media, open a Snapchat, etc. But what’s better is that those things never even crossed my mind. I wasn’t worried about connecting to wifi. My phone was on airplane mode for the entirety of the day.

This disconnection from the online world provided me a sense of security and genuineness that I have never felt before. I was not afraid that I was missing something from back home, I was not concerned about how fast other people in the program were making friends or if I was missing out on more interesting places in Madrid based on their social media feeds. I was not insecure about how I looked or was being perceived, and I was not constantly verifying myself or my vanity on Snapchat. I was zoned into this moment in time, being real with new people, and connecting on an honest level.

Being abroad and having very little access to wifi and data throughout the day forced me into a (new) daily habit of being unplugged and subsequently, a more authentic, confident version of myself. However, once I start school, have a necessity to promptly respond to people in my academic and professional worlds, and especially once I return to the states, this ability to “live unplugged” will greatly decrease. That being said, I want to remember this day and this moment, where for the first time in a very long time, I have not looked for validation or comfortability in my phone, I felt genuinely happy, and have made friends faster than ever before. I hope to be able to use this moment in the future when the so called FOMO breaks down my confidence and brings doubt into my constant thoughts, and I want to make a conscious change for myself back in the states.

Today I felt truly independent and liberated. I got out of that toxic relationship with my phone and wow did it feel good.

La cena en el centro de madrid
Haidyn Bulen

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Currently earning a degree in Psychology and Neuroscience with a minor in Spanish Language at Arizona State University.

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