21. Diving back in.

Haikal Satria
Aug 31, 2018 · 2 min read

Isn’t it ironic?

After I wrote a post about how I wouldn’t stop writing because I didn’t want to repeat my mistakes, I stopped writing. For 24 days.

The last time this happened, I provided no excuse for my hiatus, and proceeded to write again.

But exactly because of that, I stopped again. Because I didn’t take time to understand what was wrong, I fell into the same trap again.

So here’s three possible reasons to why I stopped writing:

1. I was busy.

Coming back to college, and once again being bombarded with weekly assignments, would definitely be a good reason for a hiatus. I mean, most of my time would be spent working on assignments and on studying, right?

But realistically, even though there are a ton of assignments, that never stopped me from writing before. On top of that, I had enough time to sink into playing video games, so “being busy” is definitely not why I stopped writing.

2. I don’t really like writing.

Writing is a long and tedious process that requires me to exert a sizeable amount of brainpower. On top of that, my efforts may or may not be read at all — I’m often lucky to get 10 views. So maybe writing just isn’t for me.

But, in the past 24 days, I’ve continued to write my final 8 reviews, and even managed to send out a thousand-word article. Since writing is still a habit of mine, it’s also not why I stopped writing.

3. I’m just lazy and insecure and uncertain.

So come to the final reason: I’m just scared. Initially, I only planned to stop writing for five days while I was out of town, and the minute I had returned to my hometown, I would push out article after article.

That never happened. Instead, I thought little of my Medium, despite getting email after email highlighting my dropping view count. On the days I did think about writing again, I couldn’t let go of the embarrasment I would feel; promising that I would write for 100 days straight, and stopping on the 20th day.

Being lazy, insecure, and uncertain about my Medium writing is what caused this hiatus. It’s embarrasing to admit it, but I just have to suck it up.

Because now, it’s time to fix this.

Haikal Satria

Written by

Writer from Indonesia. Writing for fun.

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