I am writing this to make sense of it.
I felt completely free of resistance. It just hit me. The "Im ok with everything that is and that will happen" point of view. Like never before. Or so that I can remember. The most repetitive thought is - "Am I really ok with being resistant?" "Am I ok with not being in this state, state of nonresistance?" It is a hard question, and even as I am writing this it seems kind of important, but on the other side it does not make sense to even think about it. Resistance will probably pop up. Even resistance to resistance.
At this moment it seems strange to even work on something, but even not resisting is doing. It is just being-doing, not the real doing-doing thing we people do.
I just thought, this probably could be just a thing I experience and then mentally try to make sense of later, but then its gone. Right now I wanted to write - "I hope it stays like this", but on the other side, this is the first time I experienced this amount of not wanting, or not hoping. It could stay like this. But then, I would just do. Without need for it. I would do for the sake of doing, and being nonresistante. Not for the sake of getting something. Getting to the goal.
It is very pleasant. I am still hungry. And when I think about it, "no food" thought makes me kind of question all of this. But at this time, I am experiencing hunger just as a body sensation. I mix thoughts with it, the feeling makes my mind figure out that I need food, the only thing I drank today was a 0.2g shroom tea and some grapefruit seed extract in it and it is 08:18 in the evening right now.
I still have a need to do some stuff, like correct a mistake when writing this, think if something could get misinterpreted, but there is no real need for it. It is just a thing to do and it makes no sense to worry about.
I kinda wanna publish this. It could get some people really think this through. Or maybe stear them in some interesting thought or state direction. And still, I feel a slight bodily sensation, kinda excited of even a thought of putting this online and exposing my 'not intended to be judged or criticized' situation to the public eye and feeling even more alive that I feel right now. And it kinda is a need, but at the same time the real question is how would I feel if it got criticized or not validated. Even if it got praised, would I feel like I did it for that, could I even make sense of it in the real time, maybe if this state is really just a non-mental experience, just a thing that even does not make sense to conteptualize or describe. Well, I certainly tried to do that, or just to be in it.
This note certainly started as a reminder, but it created an experience. Hope you look at it like that. Or not.
P.s. - It didnt want to copy from Evernote to Medium. I kinda felt agitated.