Why we all need to believe our spin instructors when they say “You are a badass”
This weekend I went to Soul Cycle. Twice. In one weekend. I rarely go to SoulCycle, and when I do, it’s with a good girlfriend of mine so we can choose bikes in the back and giggle about how hard it is and how intense the lighting is and how fierce the shouts of affirmations are. But this weekend my SoulCycle SoulSister was out of town, and I still needed an ass-kicking workout to take my mind off of things. Because babe-raham-lincolns, I’m nose-to-nose with fear right now.

If you’ve perused some of my earlier articles about fear, you may have heard (read?) me assert that personal journeys involving fear have a beginning and a middle, but not necessarily an end, because fear isn’t something that we eradicate from ourselves or our lives. Rather, it’s a perfectly-normal human emotion & natural instinct that we learn to interact with, and eventually, well, re-direct for a period of time when it’s interfering. Fear doesn’t “poof! disappear,” but we can equip ourselves with the tools and perspectives and muscle memory to better manage it when it starts to obstruct the experiences we’ve set our eyes on. And, just like every other human being in the world, just because I’ve overcome fear and self-doubt in the past, doesn’t mean it won’t crane its neck around the corner again in a giraffe-like manner.
What am I afraid of currently? It mostly comes down to matters of the human heart. I’m afraid of starting over. I’m afraid of the unknown. I’m afraid of not having a clear sense of what my routine will be in the short-or-long term future. I’m afraid of testing my ability to cultivate a healthy, kickass, stronger-than-ever relationship with myself. I’m afraid of “what it means” to move back home at the age of 30 and having to place a particular story on the bookshelf of life that I didn’t think would have this ending. I’m afraid of what this means in terms of my “timeline.” And in true FDR “the only thing to fear itself” fashion, I’m afraid that this fear will keep me from moving ahead in my general pursuits and professional obligations (the latter being quite sizable) SoooOOoooOOOoooo meta of me. But for reals. I’m intimidated.
So recently, when it came to my attention that Mizz “Bae You Got This” herself needs a refresher on bobbing & weaving with fear, I started paying attention to something that I haven’t given much TLC to recently: the ever-strengthening inner voice. The ever-strengthening inner voice is the narrative that plays inside your head during your waking hours. The voice that says “you got this.” The voice that says “You’re strong, you can handle this.” The voice that says “That project is worth pursuing” Of course there are all kinds of internal narratives: we can have chip-on-our-shoulder ones, “the world is against me,” ones, “I’m not doing this right,” ones, but in order to move past self-doubt and fear across all contexts, we have to make a commitment to building that ever-strengthening inner voice, because we need it to keep us going. We need it to remind us that we can and we will.
And while this is all fine and well, with the task at hand to keep building that kind of inner voice, one might ask: how in the heck do I do that? I can’t just stroll to the inner-voice store and ask what they’ve got in stock..
So here’s how it starts: don’t put the pressure on yourself to build it single-handedly. You have every reason and right to rely on nuggets of inspiration from others, from your posse, from the outside world, from your surroundings first, rather than feeling like the “strong thing to do is to (wo)man up and do it yourself.” I mean, that’s a lot of pressure to put on someone who already feels overwhelmed, amirite? What you do need to do is allow yourself to believe people when they say “you got this,” and actively internalize it. You have to welcome others’ confidence in you into your heart, or the upward climb will keep feeling Sisyphean. Once you start collecting these kernels of “you are invincible,” you can make your comeback and say to yourself “okay I’m ready to take the reigns now” and continue to build that inner voice, with more panache than you likely envisioned possible. But for starters, it wouldn’t be fair to yourself to expect it to just be readily-available out of nowhere when you’re feeling downtrodden or intimidated by a set of circumstances.
So this weekend, when the energetic-AF spin instructor was saying “”YOU ARE A BADASS” to the class full of people bobbing up and down on their stationery bikes while an astonishingly-loud club remix of The Chainsmokers’ “Closer” was playing, “ I had a different reaction than my default one. Normally I’m like “K great but why am I sweating so hard that I look like I just jumped in a pool?” But this weekend, I chose to believe her, and to internalize it. Because my inner voice NEEDS it. This week, every time I put in my earbuds to listen to a podcast, I pretty much veered exclusively towards Cathy Heller’s podcast, because to me her words epitomize believing in yourself. In recent days, I’ve been pulling my keys out of my purse when I’m not even remotely near my front door so that I can look at this keychain:

And as scary and vulnerable as it can be sometimes, I’ve been open and honest with my friends and family about how nervous I am about everything right now. Because I know their words of support and encouragement are ESSENTIAL. There is no shame in taking people up on their offer to support you throughout any leg of a journey. It took me a long time to learn that you don’t have to be stoic to be strong.
It’s hard sometimes, but in moments of self-doubt and uncertainty, you have to allow the world to fuel your faith that everything will turn out okay — even if it’s blind faith. There are pick-me-ups everywhere, but you have to allow them to work their magic. Your inner voice needs you to. And you won’t feel like a rookie forever. In time, sooner than you think, you will be able to take all these internalized catalysts of confidence, and you will take ownership over that inner voice and it will continue to drive you towards where you need to be, where you want to be.
There will come a day, there will come a phase, when we don’t need to rely on our spin instructors to give us oomph. But in the meantime, keep the following three things in mind when you’re up against something that feels more daunting than the dauntingest:
1) Don’t feel too proud or guilty or “needy” to ask for help. You don’t have to be stoic to be considered strong.
2) Don’t underestimate the world’s ability to cheer you up — but you have to let it, cool? Do WHATEVER you need to do to get bursts of inspiration and confidence from the people, places, and things around you. Pull your keys out of your purse to look at a keychain as often as you need to. Download ALL the inspirational wallpapers to your cell phone and rotate through them like pairs of socks. Treat nurturing and building your inner voice as part of maintaining your health. Because, just like your immune system, you will function best when it’s intact.
3) Try your best to believe the people who say “you’ve got this” — because you DO. And believing it will help your inner voice start flexing its mojo. And once it starts flexing, the one foot in front of the other motion will feel leagues easier. I promise.
With absolute insistence that you got this,
Hales

Originally published at: https://www.halesfromthecitycity.com/baeyougotthis/2018/9/3/why-we-all-need-to-believe-our-spin-instructors-when-they-say-you-are-a-badass
