When you left I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I remember when you called and we talked the scenario through. You were trying to get away and have a vacation from all the chaos of being back home. I had wished so terribly to be there with you. Finally, you announced that you were gone. I ran into my room and fell to the floor, not knowing how to feel or what to express, I laid there. dormant.

I realized how drastic my life was going to change.

I felt as if I had lost the better half of me.

I lost what was my thirst for life. Real life. A life that expresses hope for a better tomorrow, no matter how many tomorrows there had to be. One that I wanted to explore and feel the weight of the world in. Because you knew me. You knew each and every one of my failures. My heart ache. You knew how my brain thirst for knowledge of every little thing I could find, and how I still wanted to know more. You knew how more often than not, I felt too much. I felt for the souls of people I had not met, I felt for those who didn’t want to feel for themselves, I… I felt for you and how you had to put up with me on my darkest day.

What was I suppose to do when those shadows came creeping their way back to me as if drawn in with the moon? Who else was to understand how I felt based on how I thumped on my collarbone rather than on a desk, or why I held my head high but still grasped on to my arms in such an odd manor. Who has suppose to know me?

And who was suppose to know you? The songs that reminded you of your younger years vs. the music you listen to at your desk. Why you liked to play music in the first place, and how it truly makes you feel. Will there be anybody to appreciate the instrumental soundtrack to a game or movie? Because nobody else ever seems to appreciate it the way we do. Who would be there with you to sit outside and speak to each other as if together you were putting stars in the sky?

We knew each other the way nobody else really gets to know one another anymore. So maybe you weren’t my better half. Maybe you were my otherhalf.

Suppose we have people that come into our lives that we are so symbiotic with, it’s as if we are one person, with one mind, and one destiny.

So here’s to you

And here’s to me

Here’s to the both of us, that in whatever we may do in the coming years, that we both do something the other would be in awe of. Because that’s how we have always been, and in some way, that’s how we always will be.

Here’s to living as you and I do.

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