Deep Depression Dies

When I think about it, from as far as I can remember, I have been struggling with depression. I remember being a child, gazing out the car window deep in my thoughts and focusing on the tears streaming down my face. As a child, I had plenty of reason to be depressed. Growing up, my uncle abused me, my parents were divorced and both addicted to drugs, and my grandma always went out of her way to put me down. I remember as I grew older, I would always dwell on all the bad things that were going on in my life. My mom was never there for me, my dad was always banging some lady who had little respect for herself, and I was always getting beat by my uncle. I never appreciated any of the small great things in my life. My mom waking me up for school, combing my hair, and dressing me. Her getting drunk and dancing around in the living room with me while my step dad was on the road. Her reading me bedtime stories, or telling me how much she loved me. A few years after that, she eventually got so strung out on drugs that when I told her I loved her, she would yell at me to shut up. There were good times with my dad too. I remember when I got sick, my dad would take me with him where ever he went, and he would buy me toys and its one of the few times I had felt like my dad genuinely loved me. He also did air conditioning work for apartment complexes and he would take me with him, and we would just spend the whole day together. As I have gotten older I have faced other struggles. From an abusive grandmother who told me to kill myself, to having my favorite grandma in the world turn out to be a very heartless person who couldn't handle her own pain. After all of that, I turned my back from God for what seemed like forever. I blamed him for all the bad things in my life. Four months went by, and I tried to kill myself for the third time. I had crashed my car, and that is the moment that I realized I didn't want to die. I might not have died that night, but my depression definitely did.

I am writing this blog to inform everyone of my struggle, with getting through my depression and anxiety and I want to help others with their struggles, and to show them that there is a purpose for all of us, and everyone is valuable whether it be in one way or in many ways. Please feel free to ask questions, or responses. Ill try to answer them in my next blog.