I’m in this place in my life where I’ve completely stepped out of myself.
My own: strength, will, thought process, & habitual familiarities.
I quit my second job.
With my second job, there was security and consistent pay that allowed me to keep a financial flow in my business as I continued to grow clientele. Even though there were positives, I still felt like I wasn’t doing enough. A constant guilt of, “If no one is in the studio, then I should be stuffing my time with extra work to make up for it.” In doing so, I found myself burnt out, constantly stressed, & losing sleep. This all in which resulted in depression, where I found myself under the sheets of my bed debating & crying over just shutting the whole operation down.
I was operating out of myself in the mindset of, “God has called me to do this, so I’m gonna make it happen.” Only coming to find that it was coming out of a place of myself.
That I was given an assignment which I was to execute myself. I labored for two years at different companies, working thirty to forty hours, & then going in to the studio to do my clients putting me at fifty hours a week. I occasionally got my Sundays off, but even then, I would find myself after church getting a few more people in.
I’m in this place in my life where I’ve completely stepped into Him.
As a business owner, you take risks. You bet on new ideas, strategies, and yourself. Biggest one being yourself. It was two weeks ago, I was at church listening to my pastor speak on his “Believe” series. It’s been, at the least to say, one of the most impactful series of sermons I’ve chewed on. Stories of unlikely people going for something out of themselves. Moving on dreams they felt unqualified for, excluded from because of age, gender, social status, or past choices. Inspired, I sat there in my chair thinking,
“I could stay where I’m at and die, or I could go for what I love and die.”
Either way… I’m going to die. So why not?
Where it’s not me, but we. More Him than I. Believing God can & will flourish this dream. Putting Faith in God’s provision instead of Haley’s provision. I still feel at times that I’m way in over my head, that I’m gonna sink, and thoughts of, “What if it doesn’t happen?” But then comforted by a loving presence & contradicted with, “But what if it does?” I have no idea what I’m doing, where I’m going, & honestly can’t even see the next footing in front of me… but I have faith that it’s there.