4 DIY Foreskins for the Cut Man

Not everyone can be blessed with a beautiful uncut schlong untouched by a doctor’s scalpel. No, there are men who live sad pathetic lives with penises that look like young Danny Devitos. But it doesn’t mean they have to keep living with their poor excuse of a ding-dong. Here are 4 DIY foreskins for all the cut baby boys out who are missing out on having an uncut saucy sausage!

Women’s Power Blazer: Everyone at your office will take one look at your dick and say “Ohhhhh shit! She means business!” Watch out boys! This foreskin is %100 cotton with shoulder pads that can break any glass ceiling! Men are intimidated by her, women want to be her, and everyone wishes they could cum dump like her.

Nintendo Rumble Pak: Typically confused with a car battery, this long forgotten Nintendo accessory adds a 4D element to the penial orgasm. Like every level in the classic video game Banjo Kazooie, the Nintendo Rumble Pak will make you feel like you have a foreskin. The slightest touch will make you rumble and have you saying — in the words of Banjo — “UhhhHUH!”

Sparkles the Cat: Thought to be the reincarnation of your bitch of a dead great aunt, Sparkles is the shitty cat no one wants but we all deserve. If she’s not hissing or pissing, then she’s forcing you to watch her lick herself clean … don’t look away, she’ll know. WARNING! Keep her away from your lover’s anus. She WILL treat it like a scratch pole.

Poltergeist: The spirit of Betsy Ross is here to sew the American Flag and your foreskin back together. She’s a true patriot and won’t let your baby seal of a knob go without a blanket of star-bangle pride. Don’t be alarmed if nearby drummer boys play “God Bless America.” It’s just Betsy working her magic so you can have a better orgasm for God and your country.

Whether circumcised, or lost in a horrific vacuum accident, every man can have the foreskin with any of these simple and affordable replacements!