Get over yourself
I hope I don’t come across too harsh. Actually, I don’t care. Maybe some of you need to hear this.
It’s not all about you. Everything that happens is not because of you. The world is not out to get you.
You do not deserve anything. From anyone.
Your unhappy life is not the result of other people’s actions.
You are in control. You alone are responsible for your happiness.
Someone hurt you? Get over it.
You weren’t invited to that thing? Get over it.
You didn’t get that job you wanted? Get over it.
And in fact, don’t just get over it. Learn from it. Grow from it. Become a better person because of it. Not a sour, miserable, moody shell of a human being.
You have a choice. You always have a choice.
Stop wallowing. Stop hurting other people because you got hurt. Instead of trying to bring others down to your level of gloom, climb, crawl, run, jump, fly, do whatever it takes to reach happiness.
You are a beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, talented, loveable person with so much potential. Own it. Live it.
“Many lives are wasted by just waiting for something good to come from the horizon instead of going to the horizon and finding something good over there!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan
The horizon is often closer than you think. Take a few steps and see for yourself. When you get there, and you find something good, there’ll be another horizon to aim for.
Trust me, I’ve been there. In Random Life Shit I wrote about the danger of wallowing in your own bullshit, and a few other things that are equally applicable here.
I wish someone gave me that advice earlier. Real friends will tell it like it is. They’ll be honest with you, even if it hurts at first.
You must hear the truth.
In the book Lying, Sam Harris makes the point that we can improve our lives, and society, by telling the truth in situations where we’ve become so accustomed to tell a white lie to spare someone, ourselves included, discomfort.
He makes us aware of the dangers of conforming to social norms, when in fact we’re lying.
Telling the lie saves us, and the person being lied to, the temporary uneasiness, but it doesn’t save the relationship. Any relationship built on lies, even little white-lies, is fragile and probably doomed.
Withholding the truth doesn’t help anyone.
We don’t want to upset a friend or a family member, a partner or a colleague, so we tell a lie. We commit to plans we don’t care for, to do things we don’t want to do for the short-term benefit of avoiding tension.
Soon we find this to be a habit that leads to more lying. Probably ending in resentment.
The first person to stop lying to is yourself. We lie to ourselves in the form of excuses, which we paint over with a fresh coat of bullshit, and try to pass them off as reasons. We do this in aspect of our lives.
To be honest is to be kind. You’re not out to offend anyone, least of all yourself. Since I made the commitment to be brutally honest with myself I have seen remarkable results.
To be this honest with others takes practice. It’s something that I’m working on, knowing that it may change relationships. The type of relationships I care for will flourish on the truth. Trust will deepen.
For the rest, I’m aware of the risks. My integrity won’t allow me to withhold the truth anymore.
So here I am, your friend, giving you the gift of the truth — you are a beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, talented, loveable person. Now please get over yourself!