Random Life Shit

Be careful of turning inward too much. I did that a while ago. Shut myself off from the outside world.

Well, not quite — I still did my job, smiled, and gave the usual bullshit ‘I’m fine’ answer to the equally bullshit ‘How are you?’ question. You know, that sort of thing.

But on the inside, I was struggling. I was numb and lacked direction. I was strong, but I was weak. And no, I didn’t suffer from depression — I had stuff to deal with, that’s all.

Only a handful of people knew what I was dealing with, less than five percent gave a shit. They’ll say they cared, but I know better.

I’m grateful for the lessons I learned. Maybe I was lucky that I had the inner strength to deal with it all. Maybe some of these lessons will be valuable to others.

Know yourself

Getting to know yourself is the most important relationship to work on.

You must learn to like yourself. It’s very different from loving yourself, which in my opinion is the default, unless you’re really fucked up.

Be authentic

We hear about authenticity all the time these days. Few of the ‘experts’ know what they’re talking about. Most peddle some self-serving bullshit.

I don’t claim to be an expert, nor do I think I can teach anyone to be authentic. Well, not yet anyway. Most people just give up too soon. Because it’s uncomfortable, not because it’s hard.

For the right person, I’ll try really hard. It’s worth the effort. Maybe I’ll make a study out of it, who knows.

Go away, alone

Everyone needs a solo trip every now and then (often). Solitude is beautiful.

Don’t think your troubles will stay behind though, they become your traveling companions and expect to be entertained. Like naughty little five-year-olds, they won’t let up until you satisfy their needs. Or put them in their place properly.

Take care of yourself

Look after your body, else you won’t be able to face the shit (or enjoy the blessings) the universe throws at you. Remember that your brain is an organ and is directly affected by what you eat, how much exercise you get, how grounded you are, and so on.

Try different forms of exercise, eating, meditation, journaling, breathing, and all that. Pick what you can commit to and stick with it. It’s not a miracle cure for anything but the long term benefits are well documented.

Live with less

Live more minimalistic for a while. Maybe forever. It’s not the first time you’ve heard this, but give it a try. ‘Stuff’ messes with you and won’t make you happy.

Evaluate your circle

Evaluate who you spend your time with. You already know you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. Now do something about it. Stop hanging out with losers!

Differentiate between friends and acquaintances. This is hard but necessary. You’re better off without most of your so-called ‘friends’.

Be precise with the criteria you set for your friendship. Your friendship is valuable. Grade them, cut them loose.

Don’t wallow

Don’t wallow in your own pathetic existence. Self pity is a useless exercise. The default of life is misery. To have a better life requires work. Get off your ass and do the work.

I’m learning every day. About myself. About others. One of the most important things I’m learning is that it’s okay, good even, to admit defeat, to ask for help, to not be capable on your own.

Sometimes, more often than not in fact, someone else will have some of the answers you don’t. Use your network, and the tools at your disposal.

While it’s been eye-opening to look inward, it’s also important to acknowledge that we’re not alone. Many people have hit their own rock bottoms, and bounced back. Many have felt the same angst, pain, fear, and frustration as you. Many have learned, and are learning, their own life lessons.

We need to share these. After all, we’re all in this together.

If this can help just one person realise they’re not alone in the world. If it gives just one person the support they need to keep going, it’s worth it.