FEEL: What you grow for.

Nothing is as spectacular as wanting to be with the people you love. Have you ever tried horse hunting, alone, for the first time with no guide? Well, no guide would leave you hunting alone, but just imagine it. You will feel some loneliness inside of you.

Years back I sit on a sofa in my aunt's house watching a particular movie on African Magic Yoruba. She had some visitors, they were people I was familiar with but weren't that close to me. Sometimes, people ask why I drift from them. I can't tell them it's because I don't get powered up by them, I don't tell them it's because I feel they might leave. The fear of not wanting them to leave is what makes me drift till they don't feel the connection again. I make them happy and say "we are cool. Nothing serious."

So that afternoon at my aunt's house, I felt a circuit run through me wanting to connect. I just needed a - to my + for connecting. I never wanted it with the people seated before me. I wanted it with my family. I saw the way these people glow, laugh through the glasses I picture them with.

When father died, I didn't feel sober because I felt it wasn't real and no superhero leaves; they live, till I realize that father was a superhero who lives in hearts: touched by memories and tranquility. So, I knew if dad was alive, I would have always been in touch with my elder siblings. I wanted that connection right away. I call my Brother, bro ope. I tell him almost everything about me. I narrated my ordeal and my feelings. "Calm down, baby girl. I will make that work," he said. I held on to that message. It was like the messiah gave me a message - a message to always pray for a good outcome. I have once prayed that my brother come pay me a visit in my boarding school. It did happen, but they didn't come for me, instead, for my sister, Fausat.

Time came by; getting vehemently with my prayers. I began to feel this circuit: the touch of love and family. Today, my energy was fully charged. You know that joy you get when your mum gets you a new book you eyed at the market that you couldn’t afford. Yes, that joy. That was it.

I felt the breeze of home as I sat watching bro Ope set his speaker for the Zoom meeting he created. I was refreshed never to be abashed for memory. Speaking with my family, again is such a joy to drill over.

It's been 10 years today since dad left. In remembrance of dad we came together to revive him. Narrating our memories of him was like fresh water in a jar. This time the world didn't pass us by: we laughed, talked, presented our motions, we laughed and we talked over and over, again.

Now that I'm fully charged, these circuits running through me would shock because I'm too elevated with emotions, and this day will forever live through us.

A writer / Satirist / Poet