How meditation saved me from a painful relationship with Ben&Jerry’s (ice-cream).

I was introduced to Meditation in 2009, by the mental health department at the University of Florida. At that time, I was a sophomore in College, striving to be the “best” student, have the “best” body, and be the “funniest” human on the planet. I was in a mental prison of my own creation. Food became my way of coping with the devastation that accompanied the constant failures of trying to achieve these unrealistic goals.
I had always had a complicated relationship with food on my journey to achieve the “perfect” body, but I had finally reached an all-time low and felt addicted and out-of-control when it came to food and managing my weight. I am so grateful for that time in my life because it lead me to my first therapy session. During this session, I was prescribed meditation (not to be confused with medication). I immediately rolled my eyes because I didn’t understand how this would make me skinny.
Today, I bow down in gratitude because that prescription has changed my life! At that juncture, my biggest source of suffering came from wanting everything, specifically my body, to be different than it was.
Fast forward, 9 years later, I have received numerous yoga and meditation certifications and I have been teaching and practicing for over 6 years. One of the biggest realizations I have had is that meditation is less about self-improvement and much more about self-acceptance! That being said, since incorporating meditation into my life, I have grown and improved in many ways. However, these improvements came from consciously sitting still, witnessing and accepting myself daily. When I meditate consistently, I am able to notice the shifts in my thought patterns, feelings, and physical sensations from day to day. The meditation practice doesn’t change from day to day, but my experience within the practice does. Because of this growing awareness of the ebbs and flows of my internal life, I have started to listen and take care of myself based on the present moment, rather than trying to fight against myself or the given circumstance.
My life no longer feels out-of-control because I have found practices that keep me grounded in presence and acceptance. I often refer back to the serenity prayer , “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
I am happy to say that I have a healthier relationship with food and with my body.
Meditation enables me to shift my internal dialogue about my body to words of appreciation and acceptance rather than words of hate, shame, and guilt. This is a “practice”, not a “perfect.” I still have impulses to reach for food as a comfort and thoughts about how my body should look, but I no longer react or believe these impulses and ideas. Meditation doesn’t always make me “feel good”, but it sure does make me good at feeling. I have learned to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I was addicted to over-eating because the only way I knew how to handle uncomfortable feelings was to numb myself with food. Now, when life gets tough, rather than inhaling a pint of ice cream, I can choose to meditate. I am so grateful to have found healthy tools to help me navigate this incredibly complicated (and beautiful) experience of being a human. Real Talk, I still eat a pint of ice cream every now and then, but instead of feeling guilty, I savor every single bite!
