Woke up and chose peace…
I’m Halleemah Nash. You may have heard my name in connection to a X post where I shared my traumatic experience with a racial slur while doing my graduate studies and its connection to power and privilege. Just days ago I watched the person who hurled that racial slur ascend to the leadership seat of the sports franchise I grew up adoring. It opened a wound, and my decision to share quickly escalated into viral chaos.
I have received overwhelming outreach asking me to share more details and defend the truth.I considered it momentarily, and there was something about drafting a statement with a professional and putting together a strategy to clear my name that felt like I was giving the public what it needed so that I could be believed. That did not sit well with me.
As a Black woman, whenever I dare to challenge systems of patriarchy, white privilege, etc, there is a reaction. I need to explain, provide context, have witnesses without hue to validate, give a five point presentation, offer up a thesis, and then have someone do a critical analysis for the challenge to be credible. The system relies on me constantly proving that I have a right to exist, to be believed, and to share my truth. I considered Toni Morrison’s words:
“The very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being.”
Sometimes the way we upend systems is refusing to give it what it needs to continue to exist. I contemplated, “What if playing the game within a system that wasn’t built for me to win is the very thing that keeps me from being a soul?”
Outrage against Black women is some people’s bread and butter, and I am not here to grease their loaf. Freedom and liberation for me last week was refusing to play the game. I chose to disengage from popular discourse demanding I defend my truth and to re-engage safe spaces and soft places to land so that I could show up in the world as my full self in the life and work that I am passionate about.
So instead of hiring a team to create a winning strategy to capitalize on the moment, my most authentic response is to share a bit of coaching for those of you who have also found yourself navigating moments where your identity was assaulted and your voice was devalued. Here are a few reflective tools to help you stand in your truth in the face of power and privilege in a way that is in service to your own wellbeing.
There can be growth where there is truth.
No one who has built a life and career of consequence risks it unless they believe the truth matters. It matters. Silence persists when backlash and judgment have become practically inevitable, but there is power in being a truth teller. A passage I repeat frequently is John 8:32: For if you embrace the truth, it will release true freedom into your lives. We should be allowed to speak our truth even if systems don’t know how to honor our voices. We are all better from the sharing of it and the commitment to grow from it.
Racial slurs create real trauma. Prioritize trauma release.
We normalize the occurrences of racial slurs because they happen to the people we know and the people we admire. But make no mistake about it: this is real trauma and healing is necessary. In the event that you never get an apology and there is no accountability, your healing is your responsibility. Acknowledge it, grieve it, and prioritize creating space for trauma release.
You cannot micromanage people’s misunderstanding.
Trolls are not owed details. How much do you debate with and explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you? How much energy does that take from you? There are folks who are locked-in to the idea that your truth is never enough, and there is no level of detail that will satisfy those who are committed to denying your reality. Might as well keep it moving.
There is no way to win social media.
Being yourself has magnitude. Although I didn’t care to go viral, people resonate with authenticity. In the words of Nipsey Hussle, “That’s how I knew that I was different.” I do care that young people see and understand that we don’t have to be replicas of what’s popular or try to fight the weight of internet dialogue. We win in the real world by standing ten toes down in being who we are and leading with that.
Leveraging safe spaces is paramount.
The internet might not be a real place, but it’s certainly a powerful environment. Thank God for family, friends, group chats, business resource groups, faith communities, mentors, and quality teams. They give voice to our stories in a way that affirms: you are not alone, this is also my experience, and we are in community together. When you face attacks on your identity, lean on the things that you know are true and the people who know and support you.
We are not completely powerless against systems of privilege
Those who do harm have no need of closure because they are not the ones wounded. Conversely, those who have been wounded can spend so much time hoping for the apology that will likely never come. In most cases, they “dont give a fxck.” You have more power than you know. You get to decide what you want to do with the reality of your world. You can be crippled by it, or you can heal and find a way to thrive in the face of it with or without contrition.
Allow pain points to inform your purpose.
A moment of trauma became the genesis of my life’s work supporting folks who are underrepresented. What does it mean when you are the “only” in powerful spaces with powerful access and you are mistreated and you don’t use your voice? What does that scar look like? How do you show back up in those spaces? How do you show up authentically and professionally and in your truth? As a grad school student, when my job seemed to be dependent on not rocking the boat, I felt vulnerable and limited in what I could say or do in response to a slur. There was no manual for me. Present day, that lived experience has informed how I help humans in the workplace navigate similar complexities.
Operating in service of your own peace is a real power play.
The part of me that has had a lifetime of training for how to fight and survive defaults to being war ready. I got hands prepped for a fade, and don’t ever play about people I love because a Kendrick Lamar level onslaught is in my DNA. But what happens if that same trained-for-war young lady freezes in the face of racism? What should I do with the shame? How do I really feel about the things being said on the internet? Was I really okay with death threats and being doxed? Am I really okay with being so publicly and maliciously misunderstood?
The part of me that I needed most in the past week was not hardbody Halleemah. It was softness, because I was hurting. I am a beating heart, and my inner child was not up to showing up to battle. I took a step back and could see so clearly the layers of context. I do so much in service of others and in service of change. Taking my power back looked like being in service to my own soul.
Know that living soft and protected can be a response too. And that’s the space I found myself thriving in. I even created an “Affirm O’Clock” where every hour on the hour I repeated: You are soft, you are delicate, you are held, you are protected.
If you are at a moment where you are being targeted and/or unbelieved, default to deeply showing up in service of yourself. Flip being the strong one on its head. Only do things that will let you remain a flower. It’s a power play.
“Our ability to survive should not be our superpower” Jemele Hill
Let there be no further speculation. It happened. I said what I said. Some people will want more and won’t be okay with that. Some people will continue to create storylines and narratives, and I will be somewhere doing yoga, spinning clay, walking my Aussie pup, and being in community with people who don’t ask me to prove myself and hustle for my worth. That feels like freedom, one that I desire for all of us.
“Educating the conqueror is not our business. But if it were, the best way to do it is to not explain anything to him, but to make ourselves strong”. Toni Morrison
