Beyond Reproach

1. such that no criticism can be made; perfect.

synonyms: perfect, blameless, above suspicion, without fault, faultless, flawless, irreproachable, exemplary, impeccable, immaculate, unblemished, spotless, untarnished, stainless, unsullied, whiter than white; informal squeaky clean

I remember the first time I heard that phrase. I was getting yet another lecture from my mother about my lackluster academic efforts.

“You are so much smarter than this. You cannot afford to be lazy.”

That stung. Lazy. L-A-Z-Y. Another shiftless negro. Me.

I remember her taking off her glasses and rubbing her temples.

“You are a Black Man; you must be beyond reproach. Do you know what that means? It means that that you have be perfect, all of the time. You have to work five times as hard just be on par with other kids.”

She meant white kids. The smartass in me wanted to say so. But, I held my tongue.

I could sense her anger and frustration growing. It was as if her vocalizing this statement hammered home the realization that I, her son, would not statistically survive past the age of twenty-one. That, statistically, I would not graduate high school. And even if I did graduate high school, I would not go to college. And if I somehow managed to make it into college, I would not finish with a baccalaureate.

I heard you Mom. I took that to heart. I’ve never forgotten.

I am certainly NOT beyond reproach. I slip up often. Every day actually.

But, I’ve survived to twenty-one; twice and then some. I graduated high school and university; by the thin skin of my ass. Moreover, I earned a commission in the United States Army, I’ve led Soldiers, been to war, been a successful engineer and project manager and I’ve traveled the world. All of these things happened because, for the most part, I strived to be perfect; beyond reproach. My very existence on this Earth after 44 years, is due, in no small part, to the fact that I TRY HARD to be beyond reproach.

Yet as I prepare to return home from my latest travels abroad, I’m wondering if being beyond reproach is enough.

Is my ethnicity a potential death sentence if I happen upon an armed fellow citizen having a bad day? (i.e. police officer, street hood, 3 Percenter, NRA member, Oath Keeper, Klansman etc.)

Will my grasp and usage of a very flat mid-western accent (with a hint of southern twang) be enough to keep me alive when a large caliber handgun or semi-automatic rifle is pointed at me?

Will the lack of a criminal record be enough to keep me alive? My degree? My impeccable work history? My good credit?

Will my walking the straight and narrow path, living beyond reproach, keep me alive in that moment?

The answer is no.