Silence from Africa (post #2)

It has been FOUR entire days since I have heard a peep from my boyfriend (Brad. His name is Brad). And there’s no phone call in sight!

This is what we knew would happen — he would get to Sierra Leone, and he would have no way to reach me until he gets service set up with an African provider. We anticipate 8–10 days before he gets settled there and is able to go out into town and get it set up. So we’re halfway through that anticipated time frame. I’ll wait patiently!

This is how it’s going so far:

Today is the first day that I have not cried at least a little bit about our situation. (I might be a big baby, but I process how I process. It involves just a touch of drama).

I have written about 20 pages from Sunday to today (Thursday) in my personal journal. Journaling throughout the day is keeping me sane, and keeping me from internally combusting.

I talk to his mom every day. Just a text or two, but she checks up on me and I check up on her. She appears to be fine. I, on the other hand, am an ocean of emotion — some moments the waters are calm, and at others there are tidal waves.

I have decided to look at the 27 months Brad will be away as a matter of weeks, not months. Months are scary. Weeks go by in the blink of an eye! 2+ years, no thank you. 108 weeks, no problem!

To chronicle this experience is difficult, because my emotions are changing so rapidly, and so often. Today, it was no big deal that he wasn’t around — I’m just an independent woman living life! Yesterday, I could barely wipe my eyes fast enough to keep up with the tears. I don’t want to portray it inaccurately.

If there are any readers getting ready to go through the same thing, just know this: it’s intensely difficult! Two years IS a long time, and if you’re not already in your relationship for the long haul (meaning you’ve had the conversation about marriage), it might not end up being the best thing for either of you. I am a strong advocate of the “revisit the relationship when they come back” theory.

You need to be 100% committed, and 100% comfortable expressing your feelings, whatever they are, to your partner. Bottling them up will only lead to resentment, for both of you, in some fashion. I told Brad when I was feeling vulnerable, left behind, angry, hurt, all of it. For me, that’s the only way to get through the initial period, which I have read is the most difficult.

It’s so early on in this experience that it’s hard to be secure in my emotions, or be sure of what I think I know. Time will tell — the only thing I’m sure of is that I’m no expert!