For the first time in a year I got myself out of bed before 11:00 a.m., without a alarm. A year ago I met someone I thought was a good person, but energy doesn’t lie and my stubbornness doesn’t help. What baffles me is how I went from happy, healthy and productive to self hating, constant anger and sadness. I am not going into details about how this individual from the start used me, lied to me and treated me with zero respect. We all know that story. Why I stayed as long as I did was mostly promises that were lies, and his narcissistic games I chose not to see.

Breaking away from someone is never easy, but I keep asking myself why at this time in life do I have to deal with this again? I am 40, have little family and that is it. I’m too nice, and the last year was just a perfect concoction for my depression to come back ten fold. I knew he was using me, but I did not care. The past year I left my life in Chicago to return to where I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. I’ll let you in on a little secret if you did not grow up in a small town. There are certain people who have never left this town, and for some reason are still living in the past a.k.a. high school. Any memory they have is from 20 plus years ago, and these individuals gossip as if it’s the air they breathe. I had stayed away because I came home due to my dad’s health, not to socialize. Last January I was headed back to Chicago when Joe came along.

Joe, a 50 year old boy who has never worked a day in his life, drives expensive cars, and golfs whenever possible. He can do this due to the fact dad has money, and more power to him, but unfortunately he has no concept of empathy. He’s a great liar, and as cunning of a person I have ever met. I’ll give him props for his lying skills and the ability to spew b.s. like no one I have not had the privilege of meeting.

This is not about Joe, it’s about me. I ignored my own intuition, every fiber of me knowing this guy was nothing but bad. All my energy drained, I sit here irritated knowing that another lesson learned is going to be a painful one. Trust yourself, trust your energy and no matter what pull in the thinking brain tries to rationalize a bad situation just walk away.